Friday night, in the morning I'll get on a plane to AZ. Today was get ready day: do the office essentials, shop and try not over do. Is that possible, my father in law is visiting I feel torn between the present and preparing for the future. My emotions bounce around from relaxed to overwhelmed, from excited to sad, and from crazed preparer to that's it I give up I'll go write.
I'm heading to see my grandparents. My mom is flying in from Colorado bringing my Aunt. This is all fairly normal except a little detail- my aunt is 99, grandpa 95, grandma 94. Their birthdays are just around the corner. I am a relative of the most amazing people. The queen of savoring each day- my aunt; Mr wisdom and vision- my grandpa; a ball of fire in a small package- my grandma. The week will go so fast, I'm struggling to say goodbye before I even arrive. I've practice savoring and following my heart for nearly 300 days and still my emotions run the gamut. I love this trip- I love the cribbage, the talks between family members. Love is full.
Today is day 294 of 1000, this afternoon I was edgy and irritable, filled with guilt for not being more ahead in the office, and anxious about bringing a health product to help my grandparents. You would think I would be more in control and yet I feel so out of control tonight. Perhaps this is part of my growth, no longer burring my feelings when strong emotions surface- when I feel- I feel. For better or for worse I think my heart is more open and when the heart is involved, as it is with my grandparents I might as well just relax and listen.
As I write that last sentence I realize it is true. I have been soooo busy today. Running last minute errands and trying to pack in a few moments in the office. The day felt like a race and I hated it. I wanted to leisurely enjoy the last day with my father in law and husband before I left. I wanted to mull over recipes and ideas for our menus- (my mom and I create fun and delicious and sometimes interesting meals each year). Instead I shopped, I wrote quotes, thank you notes and invoices. I forces, I pushed, I worried and got carried away.
Is that why at 8:45pm I find myself writing? These feelings, so strong, were no longer taking my abuse and tonight they said enough!!! So here I am and if you could see me you would realize a good heart to heart is worth its weight in gold. I'll be gone for a few days but when I return I have so much to share.
happy travels, Denise
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
the freedom to play
Today is Wednesday May 20- Day 292 of my thousand day journey
My father in law is visiting this week from Colorado. Have you ever noticed how many places surround your home you never see until company comes? I live in the most incredible place. The puget sound is only a mile from my home, a wetland trail only 3 miles, a national park about 3 miles. I can hop into my little prius and in less than 5 minutes I can be sitting on a dock watching the fisherman try to catch salmon. For a girl from Colorado that is incredible.
Part of my journey is to take creative, artistic or exploratory expiditions each week. This sounds more time consuming than it really is. For 1-2 hours per week I go do what my insides are craving. I go alone and I explore my senses, my creativity and what makes me smile. This is new to my 1000 journey I've gone on 4 expiditions so far. The idea came from Julia Cammeron's book " The Artists Way".
It surprises me how I fight to get 1 -2 hours a week just for myself to go play. On paper-no problem but in reality I balk. My to do list is more important. I feel guilty for this simple pleasure. Why can this be????? What if my husband is working during this time? What if I don't get the house cleaned, the quotes out, the calls to family made? When exactly did I loose the ablitiy to spondaniously go play, or plan a fun little date for myself??
On my first date I went clothes shopping- I was proud taking the time to go, but my passion has little to do with being in a store trying on clothes.
The second time, I spontaneously went to 1/2 price book store and then to Marleans Market for a treat- this was better but it was a internal fight to go.
On my third expedition, I stopped on my way home from a 2 day class. I landed at a little park on the sound. For 1.5 hours I wrote, I listened, I relaxed and I just looked around. It was blissful. When I had stopped I was exhausted, after 1.5 hours I was revived and relaxed.
Last week I went and just sat on a fishing dock. I listened to the water, the seagulls, I listened to a father and son chat as they fished. I relaxed. I just relaxed. Towards the end of 2 hours I walked along the beach. Even though I loved this expedition I was getting kind of uneasy after about 1.5 hours. Questions started popping into my head- should I get back? My to do list rose up and grabbled hold of my freedom.
Everyplace I've lived has been special. I am filled with creativity and wonder and yetI tend to stiffle both. I used to live each day asleep. It's not the life that needs to be perfect. It is my heart that needs to be open. And so I continue to open and learn to explore and love each day of this 1000 journey. Thank goodness I have 1000 days. It may take 2000!!!!
Travel on,
Denise
My father in law is visiting this week from Colorado. Have you ever noticed how many places surround your home you never see until company comes? I live in the most incredible place. The puget sound is only a mile from my home, a wetland trail only 3 miles, a national park about 3 miles. I can hop into my little prius and in less than 5 minutes I can be sitting on a dock watching the fisherman try to catch salmon. For a girl from Colorado that is incredible.
Part of my journey is to take creative, artistic or exploratory expiditions each week. This sounds more time consuming than it really is. For 1-2 hours per week I go do what my insides are craving. I go alone and I explore my senses, my creativity and what makes me smile. This is new to my 1000 journey I've gone on 4 expiditions so far. The idea came from Julia Cammeron's book " The Artists Way".
It surprises me how I fight to get 1 -2 hours a week just for myself to go play. On paper-no problem but in reality I balk. My to do list is more important. I feel guilty for this simple pleasure. Why can this be????? What if my husband is working during this time? What if I don't get the house cleaned, the quotes out, the calls to family made? When exactly did I loose the ablitiy to spondaniously go play, or plan a fun little date for myself??
On my first date I went clothes shopping- I was proud taking the time to go, but my passion has little to do with being in a store trying on clothes.
The second time, I spontaneously went to 1/2 price book store and then to Marleans Market for a treat- this was better but it was a internal fight to go.
On my third expedition, I stopped on my way home from a 2 day class. I landed at a little park on the sound. For 1.5 hours I wrote, I listened, I relaxed and I just looked around. It was blissful. When I had stopped I was exhausted, after 1.5 hours I was revived and relaxed.
Last week I went and just sat on a fishing dock. I listened to the water, the seagulls, I listened to a father and son chat as they fished. I relaxed. I just relaxed. Towards the end of 2 hours I walked along the beach. Even though I loved this expedition I was getting kind of uneasy after about 1.5 hours. Questions started popping into my head- should I get back? My to do list rose up and grabbled hold of my freedom.
Everyplace I've lived has been special. I am filled with creativity and wonder and yetI tend to stiffle both. I used to live each day asleep. It's not the life that needs to be perfect. It is my heart that needs to be open. And so I continue to open and learn to explore and love each day of this 1000 journey. Thank goodness I have 1000 days. It may take 2000!!!!
Travel on,
Denise
Friday, May 15, 2009
day 287 of 1000 journey
Today is day is 287 of my 1000 journey. A journey into what you ask? It started back in May of 2004, after waking up from a dream. That fateful morning, I wrote and wrote -a thought so clear and strong. All four of my grandparents were around 90's at the time. I realized if they could have just one of their average days back it would be the greatest gift. To have a day where you realized the value and joy each day holds. To feel free to move, to love and laugh. Just a normal everyday. The days I was taking for granted.
Tuesday nothing special- my years were starting to blend and blur. What did I do last week? What did I eat for dinner? When was the last time I felt truly alive? A life of presents and blessings and yet they blended day after day. At the end of each year I couldn't remember the year, it just flew by.
Once I realized the most prized possession of life was life itself, I was on a quest to learn to savor and relish this life. For 4 years I tried to find ways to slow life down and to be aware of each day but still life kept rushing by.
287 days ago I started a journey. A journey to savor, to enjoy this beautiful life. A journey to follow my bliss-my heart. What did that mean? I had no idea. I just knew it was right. Why 1000 days? You know at first, it was just going to be a normal little 30 day thing. Then I read in my kundalini yoga book it took 1000 days to master a new habit. At the same time my yoga instructor mentioned this was a good time of year to start a goal. And so it began, my little 30 day thought became a life changing 1000 day journey.
Today, I find myself blogging for the first time about this journey. It is bigger than just me, I can feel it's power and desire to tell the world. I get goose bumps as I write- I get a lot of goose bump moments these days.
Tuesday nothing special- my years were starting to blend and blur. What did I do last week? What did I eat for dinner? When was the last time I felt truly alive? A life of presents and blessings and yet they blended day after day. At the end of each year I couldn't remember the year, it just flew by.
Once I realized the most prized possession of life was life itself, I was on a quest to learn to savor and relish this life. For 4 years I tried to find ways to slow life down and to be aware of each day but still life kept rushing by.
287 days ago I started a journey. A journey to savor, to enjoy this beautiful life. A journey to follow my bliss-my heart. What did that mean? I had no idea. I just knew it was right. Why 1000 days? You know at first, it was just going to be a normal little 30 day thing. Then I read in my kundalini yoga book it took 1000 days to master a new habit. At the same time my yoga instructor mentioned this was a good time of year to start a goal. And so it began, my little 30 day thought became a life changing 1000 day journey.
Today, I find myself blogging for the first time about this journey. It is bigger than just me, I can feel it's power and desire to tell the world. I get goose bumps as I write- I get a lot of goose bump moments these days.
What will I share on this blog?: honesty- my heart-my journey. I can't worry about punctuation or politically correct thoughts. You are just going to get my heart. Take it or leave it I will let that be your choice. If this journey of mine benefits you or inspires you to take up your own journey, you will not be disappointed. If this journey of mine has no meaning to you that's OK as well.
Thank you for joining me on day 287-May 15, 2009.
Denise
Thank you for joining me on day 287-May 15, 2009.
Denise
It's 8:55 pm on Friday night still the 287th day. I've been wanting to create a new batch of cookies for a couple of weeks, tonight was the night. When my grandma was in the nursing home we would talk about cooking. At 93 she would listen to Martha Stewart and try to remember the recipes she heard, she could no longer see. She would spend hours upon hours visualizing and creating in her head. I would tell her of some crazy recipe I had made, she would say "Denise you write those recipes down" I have been writing down my recipes but tonight I'm going to publish my first one. Normally these recipe's are just writen for Grandma.
Before I tell you the recipe there is something you must know. I don't follow many baking rules, my baking is not always tasty but almost always healthy. My baking is probably like someone else paints, I go with my instincts and curiosity radar. This creates some very healthy and sometimes edible cookies.
Tonight's recipe is called: Friday night curiosity cookies
1/2 cup softened butter
1/3 cup olive oil
1/2 cup trubinado sugar
2 eggs
1 big tsp vanilla
3/4 cup sorghum flour
1/4 cup fava bean flour
1/2 triticale flour
2 tsp energy baking powder- or tsp normal baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups oats
3 tablespoons black and white Chia seeds
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream your oils and sugar. Add eggs and vanilla cream some more. Combine flours and baking powder and salt. Add to sugar/butter mixture. Add oats and chia seeds. Mix. Drop by teaspoon onto baking sheet. Cook for around 12 minutes or until the tops are lightly brown.
Here is what I know at 9:10pm. I liked the taste of the dough, although it had a interesting sweetness. By the way I was using the Quaker Oats Vanishing Oatmeal Raisin cookie recipe as my base. It called for 1 1.5 cups sugar I cut it down to .5- where the sweetness came from I'm not sure. This is the first time I've tried Sorghum flour or Chia seeds so who knows. One batch is out of the oven- they didn't spread but I knew they would be different since the isn't much gluten in the recipe. Second batch just came out. I brought one from the first batch into the office with me to try. Before I could eat my cookie, my husband came in nibbling on my Friday night experiment. He thought they tasted kind of like a lemon scone, also wondering what was the small black spots in the cookie. There was no lemon in the recipe another go figure... I think they are yummy!!!! Yup it's a keeper recipe. Happy travels
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