Books vibrate a sort of magical energy

Day 517

The end of 2009 will be in about 6 hours and 45 minutes. Is there still time to get my to do list done for the year? Hardly-let it go.

Today, I puttered around with my books. I cleaned bookshelves, organized, rearranged and admired my books. My sister just started a blog - she wrote about books. As her move in ritual, no mater where she is living, she first sets up her books. A grounding practice I understand completely.

There is something about being surrounded by creativity and thought. So many voices, ideas, stories, lives, emotions, lessons, calculations, facts, jokes and quirky little oddities- books vibrate a sort of magical energy. As least for me and my sister.

It's funny, this 1000 day journey is centering around writing. Can there be writing without books. Natalie Goldberg says to be a good writer you must: listen, read and write. So simple. I love to write, I love to read and I'm learning to listen. The third is a bit more troublesome. My mind seems to be lost in the future or past most of the time. To be fully present, when I'm not immersed in a project, is a new experience for me.

The end of the year and here I am writing. It feels good. As I was sorting my books today, I came across an old journal of mine. The entry said. "Yesterday I didn't write, last night I was itchy when I tried to sleep. Today I'm going to write, maybe I wont be itchy tonight."

Next year- starting tomorrow, my blog will be in 2010. Will anyone read it? Maybe, I'll write even if no one does because it is part of my 1000 day journey] I love this journey. I gives me the green light love books, read and learn to listen. How can you not just love that???

Happy new year to all,

Denise

It wasn't out there, it was hear all along

Day 505,

It's been a while since I visited this site, not to worry I write everyday. Mostly I write in the morning sitting at the little coffee table my grandpa made. I sit in the early morning while the house is still. It's there I write most about this 1000 journey. Since my last posting I passed a major mile marker. Day 500- halfway there. This journey has become part of my daily routine and yet I wonder if I'm traveling far enough.

Most journeys are journeys because you travel, you go somewhere. I'm not going anywhere. This is a journey about learning to follow my heart and cherish everyday and everyone in that day. Can you go on a journey without leaving your home?

A while back I watched a documentary on Claude Monet called the Impressionists. Most of his life Claude Monet traveled to find his inspirations. He was always in search of "out there or over there". As if the mountain over the hill held the secret to his art. Later in his life he had an epiphany. Art was everywhere. What he most searched for was at home all along. And so he went home and started painting his own gardens.

I don't feel the need to travel over there to find my heart or learn to cherish the day. The art of this journey is learning to truly see what is right in front of me. Of course, my senses, my awareness are heightened when I travel away from home but can I learn to see the gift of everyday, when I don't go anywhere?

For the past 30 days I have been pondering this questions of how to travel deeper, further into this journey. I realized it is a gift to be on this journey, the last thing I want is to pop out on the other side still asleep in life. It is probably my greatest fear on this journey is that I don't really learn how to follow my heart of cherish the gift of each day.

Around day 500, give or take 5, I decided to try to learn 5 skills in hopes of traveling a little deeper, a little further.

1 learn to listen
2 learn to write
3 learn to enjoy
4 learn to believe
5 learn to do or not do but stop wobbling

Is this a tall order? Yes probably, but nothing ventured nothing gained. This journey is to learn to apply the lesson my grandparents gave me one fateful morning back in May 2004.

This morning during my quiet writing time, I added to another next level to this journey but that is for another conversation.

Happy travels,
Denise

It is hard to be still and wait

Day 472 of 1000 days,

Listening, this has been a constant in my journey. Listening brought me to this journey. Am I a great listener? No, not yet, it is hard to be still and wait.

We have a friend who is one of the best listeners I have ever met. When you talk with her you feel so important, like everything you say is a treasure. Is it because I become a genius in her presence? Could be, or it might be because she listens with such openness, affirmation, and with incredible patience. It never feels like she is waiting for her turn to speak, it feels like she is holding on to each word I say. What a gift.

Listening is a skill, it is one of our senses and it is undoubtedly a gift. My head is full. When my head is full there is no space to hear. I would love to give the gift of listening to my family, friends, the world and to myself. As I ponder on what my focus of this 44th year will be, I realized the best way to live from my heart is to be quiet enough to hear it.

Happy travels,
Denise

To reflect, not force hair down a slow drain

Day 470 of 1000 days,

Today is also the 54th day of autumn. As this year starts to close, I get closer to my 44th birthday. For me it is the time of year to look deep within and decide what will be my focus for the next year. The popular time for reflection and resolutions is January 1st but for me the time is on my birthday. I start one month before my birthday and carry it to 1 month beyond. I don't want to rush or feel rushed, I want to discover this next years path not force it like a big clump of hair down a slow drain.

In a month, I will also be a little over half way down my 1000 day journey. Exactly 30 days from today will by my halfway mark. Have I learned anything during the past 470 days? Sometimes I wonder and other times it seems like the whole world has shifted. I don't spend too much time pondering the changes for the very reason I wanted the journey to be long. There would be no pressure, if all the changes come on day 1000 or on day 1052 or even if they already shifted on day 32 I don't care I have faith this journey is life enhancing. This is a journey of meandering and discovery.

By now you would think the journey is crystal clear, on the contrary, it is a living practice. Each day I write, in my composting journal, what day I'm on just to keep me focused. I ponder and question all the time. As of this day I'm practicing learning to notice, to be aware, to cherish each day. I practice listening to my heart, my joys, my passions, my anger and my fears. Each emotion seems to come with a message from my heart. Most of the time I forget to listen or cherish, hence, the 1000 days to practice.

The fact I'm writing to you is a big leap for me. A hidden desire to write has been burning for years. Not to write the great novel, nor travel promoting my new book, but to just write what I see, what I feel, what comes to me. This blog and my blogs gives me the medium to explore life and to record what I discover. Maybe I would have been writing without the 1000 day journey.
Or maybe instead of writing I would have been creating a recipes or reading a book. It's hard to say when you chose a path if this path is better or worse than another path or no path at all. The answer to this questions is why I spend 30 days mulling over what the focus of my 44th year should be. A good sail requires a little bit of wind and little bit of luck- it also doesn't hurt to be stearing.

Happy travels,
Denise

Treating Yourself to Nothing Much

Day 451

   Yesterday, I took the whole day off. I did read about worms-the whole book, watched football, ate - basically did nothing. By evening my VOJ-voice of judgment, was starting to act up. A little guilt sneaking in, my to do list for this week making noise. Most of the day was heavenly, just me and my husband talking, laughing, snacking and watching our Dallas Cowboys win over the Falcons.

   It's funny how we don't value play or down time, especially as women we arn't always taught to just be. About the only time we feel justified in just being and treating ourselves to a fun day is when we are sick or stranded somewhere. My step mom spent most of Sunday stranded in the airport on her way home to visit her family. I think it was probably more of a gift than a frustration.

Do we have to get sick to take time to just be? If I'm going to just be I would much rather do it in health than stuck in a bed.  Learning to value our quiet time, to listen to our yearnings, to go play for no reason except it is fun, these are habits worth exploring.  On paper it sounds easy enough, in reality we are afraid to take time for nothing much. 

   Happy Travels,
        Denise

The Practice of Freedom

day 450,

How time continues to move. When I started this journey 450 days ago, I knew the days would keeping adding even if I paid no mind to my journey. It's funny instead of feeling like I need to do more, I feel as though I need to relax, let go and just be.

This is Sunday. My husband and I have no plans, I might roast some garlic, take the dogs for a walk, read about worms or just take a nap. Today is a day of freedom. The freedom to enjoy the day and let it unwind however it chooses.

Looking for a recipe, using cashews instead of cream for soup, I was on Oprah's home site. I stumbled on to an article about how women in the US are getting less happy as we age. We start out happy and somehow we become un-enchanted with our lives. Maybe it is because as women, we are not allowed to have days of pure freedom. Day's where there is no chores, no requirements, no internal guilt about just being.

How can we listen to our instincts, our intuition, our core being if we never stop and breath? If we are not true to our own heart how can we be happy?

On behalf of all women, I will practice the freedom of just enjoying this day. May this practice of freedom, bless all women everywhere!

Happy travels,
Denise

The practice of faith

DAY 441

The practice of each day. This is my practice. It is the practice of faith.

Gratitude:
Practicing to be aware and notice how I have been blessed and then taking the time to say thank you.

Mindfulness:
Practicing to be in the present moment. Connected to my senses and my essence.

Creativity:
Practicing and playing with the gift and the art of creating, visualizing and believing

Centering:
Practicing breathing, nurturing vibrant and healthy energy. Where no matter what the weather I have deep roots, a strong and flexible trunk and the presence to know I'm never alone but always protected and supported.

A practice worth persuing!

Day 439

Today is today, it is not a journey. It is one day. Putting together 1000 days makes a journey. My journey is not today, all I can do today is practice enjoying this day, practice being present, being grateful, being balanced. Practicing the gift of this day.

I had been getting caught up in this journey but in reality all I can do is be in the present moment and practice making the most of this 22nd day of autumn.

Yesterday, I was asked to write a 600 word article then teach a class in January. This invitation both excited and scared me. It ungrounded me. My heart started racing, I lost myself in the future. I was distracted and unfocused the remainder of the day. I even lost a thank you letter. I think I mailed it, was it addressed and if so then to whom?!!! Last evening my mind panicked and I realized how unfocused I was.

Exciting events, unsettling events, mundain events- stuff happens everyday. My practice is learning to stay centered, grounded and connected to the present. Hopefully, this practice will give me the awareness to notice when a present appears and be awake enough to open it!!

Focusing on what will be in 661 days is silly. Focusing on this moment, in this 439th day, on the 22nd day of autumn, is a practice worth persuing!

Happy travels,
Denise

I love a man that can smile in trouble

Day 435,
Today I mailed out accounts receivables notices, to past due accounts. In 19 years of being in business, this unheard of for our company. Somehow after all this time, sending out such a letter was an afterthought because it was so rare. This morning I sent out 3 letters plus had to hunt down a contractor that hired us. I didn't really like the way I felt and wondered how I would act if our finances were in trouble.
I thought of my grandpa's: Grandpa Alton and Grandpa Biddie. Both saw through 90 plus years of triumphs and tragedies. Grandpa Alton passed away last year. Grandpa Biddie is still going strong. This is one of his favorite poems he used to recite.

The harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph.
What we obtain too cheep, we esteem too lightly.
It is dearness only that gives everything its value.
I love a man that can smile in trouble,
That can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection.
Tis the business of little minds to shrink.
But he whose heart is firm and whose conscience approves his conduct
will pursue his principles unto death.

Thomas Pain

I hope we are never tested to our limits but I like the idea of smiling in trouble.

The great yam experiment

Day 432 of 1000,

The days tick by. Visiting family, driving, vertigo, pulling weeds, working, visitors stop by, football season starts, the leaves change, grocery shopping, paying bills, making a new dish - no matter what is going on- the days tick by. Today is day 432.

Above you will find a couple pictures of yams. Last spring I started a water experiment. Putting yams in glasses of water to see what would happen with different qualities of water- sprouts and roots pop out, plants emerge. I decide to plant these tender plants in my back rock garden. Over the summer I watched the vines grow, little purple trumpet like flowers popped out the end of August. All summer I wondered what was growing if anything below the surface. Sunday night I dug up my little experiment. The yams were little and skinny-deeper than expected. I must have harvested around 30 yams. We roasted baby yams for dinner with company. They were tender and full of flavor.

Perhaps my yam experiment parallels my 1000 day journey. I started with one experiment which lead to another and then another. During this journey I have no way of knowing what grows below the surface. At the harvest I could have a little crop of yams, maybe something else.

Happy travels,

Denise

Do you go?

Day 405

It's Wednesday morning, my home is once again quiet. I find myself wondering room to room, picking up, arranging, re-grounding my home. It isn't my home needing grounding- it's me. Yesterday afternoon and evening, I found myself waiting for a family friend to undergo a double mastectomy. I wasn't asked to go, I'm not even sure I was welcome by all and yet there I was.

When my husband's mom was in her final days, a friend of the family befriended me. This beautiful, strong lady of 80 came and sat, she sat with her friend, my mom in law, and she sat with us. She baked goods for us, she stayed at mom's side when we were emotionally spent. She showed me how to organized a funeral. She sat with a back straight, years of pain as her support. I would have managed without her but not well.

Today I question why I went yesterday. It was probably odd as I'm not best friends of the family but I dearly love the lady who was having her life altered last night. If it was my husband waiting for me, I would want a female friend, not particular close but someone my husband could talk to- go. Breast cancer is not a lone event, it affects us all. We are all connected. Should to I have gone to the hospital? I don't know, but I went.

Travel on

Kicking and screaming

day 39
I haven't felt like this for a very long time. What happened ? My insides finally had enough of my pussing footing around. When I was growing up I hated housework, sucked at sewing and complained anytime I had to stay inside and couldn't go and build fence with the boys.

My favorite memories are of bucking bales of hay. Of course, they were heavy and it was tough - I loved every minute. It didn't happen very often. I was 5' 2", less than 100 lbs dripping wet. If there was a choice between me or anyone else I lost out. But every once in a while, there were no options and I was the choice or I should say I won by default.

Lately, I have become an indoor, quiet, sickly seeming girl- uggh!!! This is not me and my insides were so definitely yelling at me to come out of my own cocoon. I used to be strong and fast -a tom boy. I was turning into a wimp. Riding my stationary bike the other day my heart began to race with just a few peddles.

Once I got my heart a going my backbone started to kick in. Relax, smile, have fun, don't take like so seriously. Quiet time is good as is yoga centering but so is digging, kicking, jumping, laughing hysterically and just playing. Life is all about balance. Sometimes to find your balance you need a little blood to pump in your veins. Quite time is good but digging in is just as beneficial.

This 1000 journey is quiet a ride but today I feel like I just found my path after wondering around in the hills for a while. I learned some good stuff in them there hills but I'm glad to have remembered a bit about who I was before entering the hills.

Jump in puddles as you travel,
Denise

A message or indigestion?

Day 392

There is something you must know- I am not perfect. Everyone who knows me knows this and yet I still work on this idea-daily. On this journey, I find myself looking for "it" the answer to all. The bottom line is this- the answers I search for are not out there.

Years ago I was in a Barns and Nobles looking for a book. In my own head, I heard loud and clear "What you need you already have". It was as if someone other than me was in my head talking to me with a voice of extreme authority. I left that day without a new book but that statement has been ingrained in my brain. I don't always listen-actually I rarely listen to it but it is always present.

Over the past year another word has been chirping away in my head, "Listen". That's it, just listen There is a Blues song I listen to on my CD called Blues Around the World. One verse says " I can not tell you twice what I can't tell you once." It sound more like a lesson than a song.

This week I got another-message for lack of a better term. "Learn your heart and you will find your own voice." Whoever is speaking is very wise. Who tells me this stuff? Is it my heart, a higher power, indigestion? Don't know, but I'm pretty sure I am suppose to pay attention.

Who you are is perfect. True perfection is not being perfect but being true to you heart! Can a people pleasing, worrying, random girl from Colorado learn to trust her own heart? I guess we will see.

Travel on,
Denise

Greasy carpets smell

Day 389

Restaurant carpets all smell the same when they are being cleaned. It doesn't matter what type of restaurant, the accumulation of grease, dirt and odors all smell the same.

I don't like that smell. I do like cleaning carpets. I like how they are transformed. The colors change from dark black back to patterns, colors and contrast. The spots and stains disappear. It smells oh so much better.

Why am I telling you this? This morning I'm moving a little slower. We cleaned a restaurant last night and got home late. I was sitting here noticing an accumulating to do list building in my head. It was starting to smell of restaurant sludge: greasy, thick, smelly, dark and heavy. Out my window I hear a bird merrily chirping away.

Today and everyday is a new beginning. The singing bird with a brain much smaller than mine understands the beauty of mornings. My head is full of dark sludge while my little friend just sings. Today was one of those days I was wondering if my life was the life I should have.

Early mornings are a gift. A fresh new beginning. It is a shame to waste this time letting the sludge of to do's, should do's, or why haven't you done lists cloud my thoughts. Clean carpets are lighter, brighter and smell oh so much better than those filled with the sludge of cooking oils and dirt. Surly my brain is better off clean than sludged.

A little less sludge and a little more singing is a better way to start the day.

Happy travels,
Denise

August harvest

Day 386

The month of August usually finds me challenging my own life. I grew up with August being the month of the county fairs, getting ready for school and harvesting crops- even if it was just our garden crops. We did not have financial abundance, there was always an undercurrent of fear and desperation. Pulling funds together for the fairs and school must have added to the unrest of the month.

August felt rushed, we were behind in life. A summer of projects turned and faced you with such disgust-what did you do this summer? August says this summer is almost over, did you live up to your potential? Another summer spent with nothing to show but the stress of a fleeting season.

I've lived in the city for nearly 20 years this winter. As a young girl I vividly remember vowing I would never live in the city I would always live in the country: open space, fresh air, animals, plants, new kittens each spring-freedom. Who am I now? The question is thick. You were never going to live in the city! 20 years, you are not longer a country girl but a city girl. Your farming roots are wilting on the vine.

As I read my own writing my heart screams back I am country I am not city. And yet here I sit in my kitchen writing in the heart of a City with 80,000 people surrounding me. No, this is not even a city but a suburb of Tacoma-Seattle. Uggh!!!! A suburb, not even a glamorous city. I have lived 20 years in a suburb. Oh what shame!!!!!!

This I know, you can take the girl out of the country but you can not take the love of country out of the girl. This path-this journey I am on is a journey of my heart. My heart has come back with a vengeance to remind me who I am. This 1000 day journey has become thorny.

Travel on,
Denise

Pulling weeds

Day 375

This past week I was troubled with a dizzying problem. I was dizzy. Today, I'm feeling a bit stronger, still a little wobbly but my desire to get back into the flow of things has definitely taken a turn for the better. My husband had me use his allergy spray, which seemed to help a great deal and I decided to go outside and putter in my yard.

While I was pulling weeds I was still wobbly but my focus was on something so specific it didn't seem to bother me as much. Just being outside, digging in the dirt and accomplishing something did me a world of good. While digging I came across my one of my yams in full bloom. Planted months ago, I had nearly given up on an actual yam crop, but there in all its trumpet like beauty was a little yam flower.

This morning for the first time in a quite some time I felt a little flow, a little energy and a little desire to have a good day. Whatever troubled my head seemed to have depressed my system as well. If you have ever been consumed with bleakness you will understand the anguish of depression.

I remembered a lesson I learned years ago when I was on my walking journey- move, go outside and move! Being outside moving was like light to my soul. When I was little my mom used to tell me to go outside and get the stink blown off. She was onto something. I don't know if it was the nasal spray or an afternoon pulling weeds, probably a combo, but what ever it was I felt like a new person after digging in the dirt for a bit.

This very problem is why I'm am so compelled to find joy. It is the opposite of despair. My theory is: If your are listening to your heart, following your own loves, your life will be one to savor and enjoy. Where there is light, darkness can't live.

This is easier said than done, I'm finding the very act of staring too closely at my own happiness makes it illusive. Learning to listen to my intuition, my gut, my heart is harder than it sounds. Still it is a path I will continue, although I may have to pull more weeds than I planned.

Tavel on,
Denise

Just so you know, I did go to the doctor early last week. However, the weeds and sunshine seemed to have helped 10x more than a trip to the doctor.

Sauted Peaches with Cayenne

Day 370

This morning a cold piece of fruit was not
going to cut it. I needed something hardy, nurturing and delicious.

Opening my refrigerator, I saw the apples, oh yes-fried apples. Then the pears caught my eye- that's it -fried pears. The plums beckoned, until my eyes landed on the peaches. I knew it, it was peaches all along.

Growing up my dad used to saute peaches to top our homemade waffles. To cook the peaches he would use our cast iron skillet adding fresh peaches, lots of butter, sugar and and his spice of choice-cardamon. They were heavenly.

If one of use kids did something grand we could pick our breakfast. I would pick the waffles and peach sauce my older brother would pick egg souffle and peach sauce. The sauce made even made an egg souffle edible.

This morning I mixed it up a bit. Here is my recipe to:

TLC peaches
Ingredients
Pan- cast iron if you have it otherwise use stainless steel.
Peaches as many as you want- I used two
Olive oil
Honey
Cardamon
Cayenne pepper- just for a touch of heat
Directions:
Over medium heat, heat olive oil; add chopped peaches, honey, cardamon and a dash of cayenne pepper. I couldn't tell you how much I used of the spices, honey and oil. They were added by instinct. Go with your gut... or stomach!!
Saute until you are ready to eat. If you want crunchy peaches, just get them hot. But if you want, melt in your mouth peaches, wait until they start to caramelize.

Typically, this peach dish is a topping, today it was my breakfast. I started with 2 over easy eggs topped with chili powder. I finished with the peaches- all by themselves- I wanted to savor every bite!

Replant your foot

Day 369

Yesterday I woke up dizzy. Before I was even out of bed I was dizzy. I went to my Naturopath @ 5:15pm yesterday afternoon. Apparently I have pressure on my middle ear and it's causing dizziness.

I had so many things planned for this week, 5 appointments, a to do list that seemed vitaly important and multiple projects calling my name. Being dizzy and hanging low was not in the cards.

My aunt Velma is suppose to be having her 100th birthday party this Saturday. Today at 3:00 pm she will be going into surgery. Just a week ago she was loading a cement bag into her wheelbarrow to make a stepping stone for the county fair. Her plan was to make a stepping stone, go to the fair and have a fabulous 100 b-day party.

She and I have many things in common. Neither of us is going to be moving very fast today. We will not be doing what was on our lists, we won't spin, squat, dance, bend quickly, jump or skip. We wont travel to Spain, go deep sea fishing, climb the Rocky Mountains, plant in our garden or go for a walk at Cannon Beach.

There are a few things I can do today . Smile- yes that seems to require no balance; listen-depending on content; smell- as long as I don't bend but bring the aroma to my sniffer; I can type, I can read a little, I can visualize, I can talk, I might be able to take the dogs for a little walk, I can go outside. Make the most of this day- no matter the weather.

Today is still day number 369. That might be a very important day. My plans were rearranged. So what? It is what it is.

This morning, my mom talked to her dad , my grandpa. My very wise grandpa said "Sometimes when you put your foot down the ground is not there". In which case, I guess you look for an alternative place to put your foot.

Happy travels,

Denise

Smashed sandwich

Day 364 of 1000,

This is the beginning of a smashed sandwich. My mom and I made it while visiting my grandparents in AZ. We stacked, wrapped and then smashed with two 2 foot concrete pavers, my uncle found out by the shed.

For 1.5 hours the sandwich slowly lowered its defenses and became what I now call a smashed sandwich. Why and I telling you this? I have no idea except I just sent a copy of the recipe to a friend of my who is having a get together. It's a good sandwich for a party.

Original recipe: Pan Bagnat
I renamed the recipe. I like the name smashed sandwich better.

Cookbook: Moosewood Restaurant cooks at home, from the Moosewood collective. Page 266


Happy travels,
Denise

As an interesting note, the recipe recommends using bricks in baking dishes, a 25 lb wt or a toddler to smash the sandwich. We don't know of any toddler who could or would sit still for 1-3 hours while the sandwich smashes. We went with the concrete pavers- they don't wiggle.

Some like it hot....

Day 363 of 1000,

It feels good to be hot. This morning when I woke up it was 79 degrees in my home. Our dogs and I were out walking by 6:30am. Any later and their tongues would have been dragging all the way to Kansas. As the day gets hotter, I find Penny, Sally and Reggie sprawled out all over the house trying to find a cool spot. These are our pets not our kids or friends.

Yesterday, after hours trying to get my outlook account to send e-mails I took a brake. Outside in the 95 degree sun, I talked to my sister in law while pulling dandelions. The heat and the simple task of pulling dandelions was just what the doctor ordered to balance out a computer fried brain.

I've noticed Dallas and I have been a little testier this week than normal. It might be the heat, it might be our business or it could be too many ice cream sandwiches.

Even though it is hot, I love it. Why not embrace the sweat and the ice cream the early morning walks. Just sit back and take a mini weather induced vacation.

Travel on-
Denise

Golf is a game of faith

Day 335 of 1000 day journey
It is almost 10:00pm. This sky is clear but getting dark.

My husband and I had a change in our business schedule and he asked if I would like to play a little golf this afternoon. I haven't played in almost 1 year. If you have ever played golf you know this is not necessarily a good thing. Golf and lack of playing or practicing do not always go with a good game.

Today, I set out with nothing but a desire to enjoy an absolutely beautiful afternoon playing golf with my husband. I only came to the course with a preshot routine and visualization. This evening I am thrown back at the power of relaxed visualization. I played as well if not better than I have at anytime in playing golf.

To decide you want something to happen, to focus on that result and to trust that it will happen is a practice in faith. Golf is about balance and faith. I hit the ball further, with a draw??? I chipped, putted with feel??? I decided where I wanted my golf shot to go and it went there- a lot of the time- not all the time but most. Where my elbow was or my back swing I couldn't tell you but I can tell you today my golf game was a game of faith.

Tonight I saw the power of visualization. I was relaxed, I enjoyed and I had fun but I also got a chance to see the possibilities of visualization.

Yesterday, I baked garbanzo bean cookies. This was the snack I muched on while I played. I either was given the gift of visualization or my garbanzo bean cookies have magical visualization powers. It could have been the cookies they are pretty good.

Happy travels
Denise

A choice, not a brick upside the head

Day 331 of 1000 day journey, June 28, 2009

After many many days of thinking about what my next daily practice should be I took a chill pill. How can I learn to follow my bliss if I'm stuck in a rut?????

If one day I don't feel like doing yoga but do feel like walking on the beach, is this wrong? I realized I was trying to recreate a journey I once took. It was a fabulous, life changing journey and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. This is a different journey. This is an intentional 1000 days where I learn my own heart, learn to trust, and learn to be awake and joyful in each day. It is about loving this life I was blessed with making the most of it. So at the end of my life I can look back and smile, knowing I followed my own path and I was true to my own heart. Along the way life became more beautiful for all.

There is a zillion ways to help this journey: Meditation, relaxed-creative-visualization, yoga, baking, playing, listening, going to bed early, not eating crazy crap that makes my head spin- stuff like that.

My instincts today may not be the same in a month. Trying to narrow down a specific practice to do everyday for a year is just not going to happen. As I so calmly explained to myself, this morning, during my heart to heart conversation. "Denise no matter what you do, you will not be the same after this 1000 journey". Your life will be forever changed for two reasons: 1) 1000 days will have passed and as time moves so do you. Even if you do nothing, your life will not be the same in 1000 days. 2) You have set an intent from an event that shook you to your core. You have been thinking that day for over 4 years. Do you really think you will be the same after an intentional 1000 days of learning your own heart, following your own bliss???!!!!!!!

Ok- so you see what I was up against this am. End of daily practice discussion-for now.

I have been thinking of doing more kundalini yoga and my evening visualization. Why, because I feel lighter and happier when I'm doing these two practices. Yesterday, I had one of my edgy, grumpy, frustrated moments. I don't get these very often anymore, but when they come, they suck!!! I feel so heavy and trapped. This is just simply not acceptable. This crazy feeling is not my bliss happy but my heart sceaming for me to do something different. I choose to listen to the quiet little gentle reminders from my heart vs the the slap upside the head with a brick like I got yesterday afternoon.

Both Kundalini yoga and my relaxed, joyful visulizaton help be hear those gentle notes before the bricks are even made. I've also already seen multiple signs my relaxed joyful visualization is powerfully working for me. With this in mind, even though this is not a practice written in stone, I think I will continue just to see what happens.
Happy travels,
Denise

Listen

June 26, 2009 Day 329 of 1000 journey
This is the 6th day of summer. I'm returning from a whirlwind of traveling and family activities. As each day passes on this journey, I wonder if I'm doing enough to follow my heart and savor each day.
Today I was feeling behind, after so much travel and family time, I felt behind in business and to do lists. I started today wondering how I would ever get it all done. At the moment I find nothing is as important as writing to you.
This morning, I took a bit of time. I took a moment and I sat. I sat, I breathed, I relaxed, I smiled and I sat. It was sooo goood. I wrote. As I sat I knew I needed to add to my writing. Quite time- simple quiet. Today I needed quiet time. I needed to stop and listen. To be quiet and still.
How can I know my heart if I don't give it a chance to be heard? If my path is to find my bliss to follow my heart. I have to learn my own heart. What does it love? What does is ask for? You can't follow your heart if you don't listen. If my heart loves sunshine but if I stay inside all day will it continue to trust me? I must listen and learn my own heart.
To learn my heart, I need to listen and feel. I need to pause. My 7 essential little pauses.
To pause, to notice, to relax, to smile, to breathe, to listen and to trust.
For at least a year I've heard in my head and all around... "Listen. Everything you need you already have." Who says this? I guess I don't know but it is clearly there. As I come into balance I learn to listen and trust.
This I know today, is Friday the 26th of June. This is the most important moment of the day. Outside it is sunny and the 6th day of summer. Every ounce of my being wants to go outside. I going to do this and I will listen.

The last day of spring

Day 323 of 1000; June 21,09

The last day of spring.
My magic mountain basil looks like a bouquet- smelling of heaven.
My purple beans have bright purple shoots -ready to sprout flowers.
My Beats are starting to look like beats.
I finally decided an unknown plant I was growing was a weed.
The dogwood trees are in full bloom.
It has been very dry up here in the NW and my lawn is turning "golden".
The temperatures have cooled off into the 60's.
My little sister is getting married in 2 days.
My pansies are looking a little sun soaked.
I put a glass pot on the stove to boil water and promptley forgot.
The US open is on TV, rain soaked golfers hack their balls out of 2 ft grass.
One of my 3 blueberry plants has blueberries
The wild black berries are blooming.
I have no idea what's for dinner, but I'm sure I should cook something.
The dogs want to go for a walk- they don't care what day it is.
The sun is kind of shining.

I should do something special to celebrate the last day of spring... It has been a good spring. I loved this spring. The sun came out for almost a full month- no questions asked. I finally planted my blueberries, started blogging, and got my new computers. I have been happier this spring than I can ever remember. Our business has flourished even with the ecomomic reports. I let go of a few things, like handling our own investments. I've tried to relax, smile, breath, trust and let go. Somedays I do well, other days I forget.

I've had more moments of seridipity than ever in my life. It's either that or I've always had this much seridipity but didn't notice. I started wearing dresses and putting on sandels. I took lots of moments to just do nothing, even if it on my to do list.

I went to a birthday party, in the breese way of my grandparents house, a hummingbird nest over head. At the table was my aunt 99, my grandma 94, my grandpa 94, my mom and me. We sang, we laughed and we held hands. My mom and I went for a walk almost everday while we were in AZ. We sang as we walked, saw a coyote, a giraff bench, a crazy little neutotic dog and a swarm of bees.

My father in law came up and visited, we ate cookes, quinoa, and greens. We went to a car musium and ate mexican food in a parking lot. My sister returned from her year long Asian trip. She came home with a fiancee.

My dad gave me a bookcase/desk my grandpa made. It is made out of church benches we got from Nebraska when I was about 10. I smashed my toe with a rock from the lawn mower and got some seriously soar muscles from Kundalini yoga.

As I write this I realized I am celebrating this spring. I'm going to get on a pair of shorts, leash up my dogs and go for a last day of spring, walk. As I walk, I'm going to notice what the last day of spring looks like.

Happy travels, Denise

The best part of Friday's

Day 322, June 19, 2009

It's 9:24pm on Friday night. My house is clean! My cleaning day used to be on Mondays. I hated Mondays. I don't mind cleaning so much as my Mondays always felt rushed. It was as if I started each week behind. There is always lots of details, paperwork, calls, finances and organizing needing done on Mondays. I would try to cram cleaning the house in somewhere.

For a long time I tried cleaning on Saturdays. On Saturdays, I didn't want to be in the house cleaning! It was as simple as that. When I was a kid on the farm, Saturdays were cleaning day. I had to stay inside and help my mom clean. My brothers got to go build fence or something fun. As an adult, that feeling of missing something still lingers. Saturdays are also a prime day to travel, to work, to do stuff. Saturday, me and cleaning don't go well. (I do realize my brothers probably weren't that crazy about Saturday's and building fence either-kind of a grass is always greener thing.)

Sundays are only in case of an emergency. I have absolutely no desire to clean on Sundays!

Here is how my week would go: I'll clean on Saturdays -Saturdays came and went. Sundays I just refused. Mondays would come and like I mentioned earlier, I was already behind and often it just wasn't going to happen. So even though I spent a lot of time thinking of cleaning, I did not clean as consistently as I like. The week revolved around trying to make room for cleaning.

Last week I discovered Fridays!!!! Big joyful sigh of relief. Not only do I not feel behind. I feel ahead. My weekend is free of the nagging- gotta clean thoughts. Our home feels good for the weekend and on Monday I can do what is most important.

Today, I was out of my home/office all day. When I got back to the office from work, I didn't have the energy to jump into cleaning. I took a couple of hours: I puttered, I read, I walked both dogs, I visited with family. At 7:23 pm I decided to clean. It took me two hours- 45 minutes of which was organizing and straighting up- to clean my house. Now at 9:36 pm my home clean and ready to begin the weekend. I feel very good about my Friday cleaning.

Happy travels,

Denise

Sweet Mystery Garden Salad

Day 321, June 18, 09

Tonights dinner salad just picked from my garden.

Fresh from the garden gather:
Lettuce
Baby beet tops
Baby kohlrabi tops
New little edible pea pods
Herbs:
Thia basil
Lemon verbena
Stevia

From the freezer
Blueberries

Dressing
Balsamic vinegar
Olive oil

Clean, toss and enjoy

The herbs add sweetness and mystery. The peas a sweet crunch. The frozen blueberries add cooling depth.

Enjoy and happy travels,
Denise

The power of food

Day 320, June 17, 2009

Whew!! It always amazes me how much better I feel when I eat foods that love me. The difference in my energy level and happy brain is like night and day.

Last night our dinner was bok choy,quinoa, edamame with braggs for seasoning.
For breakfast I made a egg scramble with carrots, cilantro, and mushrooms sauteed in olive oil.
AM snack dark chocolate, dried cranberries and pecans
For lunch mung beans, black rice with a bowl of frozen blueberries and black berries.

Do I always eat like this? No, but when I do I feel fabulous. When I eat lots of wheat, processed foods and dairy I get foggy brained, low energy and I can occasionally get a bit grumpy.

Of course, it is hard to imagine I could ever be grumpy- although, my nick name as a little girl was nasty. (This name was given to me by my older brothers. ) I always wondered why that name was connected to me until I got older and realized I do get grumpy when I eat certain foods. Apparently, I have been affected by food most of my life.

The good news as I learn to pay attention, I learn what foods give me good health and which ones take it away.

Is it just me??? I think we are all affected, to some degree, by the foods we eat, how much and how we eat them. What foods and how we are affected is purely personal.

As of this day the 320th of my journey I am still in awe of foods and their power. My journey into foods started long before this current journey and yet I still have to stay awake to the changes of my energy.

If you are interested if foods effect you, just pay attention to your energy directly after eating, in a couple hours, when you wake up the next morning and over the next few days. You may find some interesting discoveries.

Happy travels,
Denise

brain food and fresh peas

Day 319- June 16, 09
You know what stinks? Nylons; rocks on concrete when you have bare feet; foods that make your brain foggy!
I rarely wear nylons, the rocks, I try to avoid but those foods that make my brain go foggy are sneaky and irksome. While I am on this journey, being aware and present are critical. When my brain gets foggy my mind/emotions do not work as smoothly. How can I possibly listen to my instincts when I'm all brain mucky?
Learning to be aware of how I feel as I eat, what I'm craving, my mood and energy around the foods I eat is soooooooo important.

I haven't' decided on my daily practice... yet. You will be the first to know. This morning I did find fresh peas in my garden. The connection of these two items is kind of like knowing how to defend off a bear attack because you stayed at the Holiday Inn. It is a stretch but it's also spring so who cares.

Happy travels,
Denise

Choosing my new daily practice

June 15th, day 318 of 1000 days
It's 8:08pm. My brain is undecided if a daily blog is a practice I want to commit to. Until I do decide I figure I would blog- just in case.
This new daily practice decision I will live with for at least 100 days. It may be taken to a full year. On Day 333 I will be 1/3 of the way on my journey. Day 333 is my target decision date. What will my new daily practice be????
Blogging is one idea. A discipline of writing my journey down.
Letting my practice become real.
Daily creation. This is another idea I have been playing around with.
To spend at least 15 minutes a day joyfully visualizing and creating my life.
Singing. singing and letting my voice flow.
Deep relaxation. each night, and throughout the day to completely let go -
absolute relaxation. A Divine trust.
Smiling and happy practice. Taking time each day just to be happy.
Kind of like training my joy muscles.
As you can see, picking a new practice is difficult mostly because I have so many things I want to practice. In the end, it is not what I pick so much as the energy I bring to this daily practice.
The easy part, of this decision is I get to choose anything I want. The hard part is I get to choose anything I want.

The decision will need to be made on another day. I'm going to go do a little yoga and call it a day. My favorite part of this day was... putting on my pajamas just after I pulled them out of the clothes dryer.

Happy Travel, Denise

15 minutes a day to transform your life- day 317

Day 317- June 14th @2:09pm
When you start a journey like my 1000 day journey, it starts to create its own life. A few years back I went on another such journey. One August day I was walking with my sister. At the time I had been walking or running for 17 days straight. On that day, as we walked a thought popped into my head-- I should do this everyday for 1 whole year. We continued our walk and I created the details of my new practice. It would have to be everyday- rain, shine, sick, busy, or snowing. I only had walk or run 15 minutes or 1 mile every day.
That journey went on for approximately 1000 plus days, then one day I simply decided that journey was over and I stopped. There was no party, no fan fair, I just stopped but from August of 2002 to 2005 I walked or ran everyday. Some day I'll give you more details. My log books are stashed away under the bed in our spare bedroom.
The journey of the 15 minutes transformed my life. It was so little, so easy I wasn't training for a marathon, nor creating the strength to do a 100 push ups. I was only walking or jogging everyday for 15 minutes for 365 days. Those 365 days began a journey transforming my health and life. The consistency and commitment of that journey created some kind of power and energy. It was funny, once everyone realized I had this commitment to myself to walk or run everyday, they helped. While I was on the journey I didn't realized it's impact but looking back I am amazed.
My current 1000 day journey is a little more abstract in its discipline. It is more of a philosophy and a practice of changing my habits and thoughts, than something as simple as 15 minutes of walking or running. As approach a full year of this 1000 day journey, I feel the need for something like my 15 minutes to ground me and set a commitment taking me to the next level.
I leave you as I continue to ponder this new practice commitment. A zillion ideas bounce around my head. Maybe I will just blog or write everyday about my journey. hummm...
Hope this day finds you enjoying life. I'm eating a bowl of frozen blueberries.
Happy travels, Denise

just listen..... on day 294

Friday night, in the morning I'll get on a plane to AZ. Today was get ready day: do the office essentials, shop and try not over do. Is that possible, my father in law is visiting I feel torn between the present and preparing for the future. My emotions bounce around from relaxed to overwhelmed, from excited to sad, and from crazed preparer to that's it I give up I'll go write.
I'm heading to see my grandparents. My mom is flying in from Colorado bringing my Aunt. This is all fairly normal except a little detail- my aunt is 99, grandpa 95, grandma 94. Their birthdays are just around the corner. I am a relative of the most amazing people. The queen of savoring each day- my aunt; Mr wisdom and vision- my grandpa; a ball of fire in a small package- my grandma. The week will go so fast, I'm struggling to say goodbye before I even arrive. I've practice savoring and following my heart for nearly 300 days and still my emotions run the gamut. I love this trip- I love the cribbage, the talks between family members. Love is full.
Today is day 294 of 1000, this afternoon I was edgy and irritable, filled with guilt for not being more ahead in the office, and anxious about bringing a health product to help my grandparents. You would think I would be more in control and yet I feel so out of control tonight. Perhaps this is part of my growth, no longer burring my feelings when strong emotions surface- when I feel- I feel. For better or for worse I think my heart is more open and when the heart is involved, as it is with my grandparents I might as well just relax and listen.
As I write that last sentence I realize it is true. I have been soooo busy today. Running last minute errands and trying to pack in a few moments in the office. The day felt like a race and I hated it. I wanted to leisurely enjoy the last day with my father in law and husband before I left. I wanted to mull over recipes and ideas for our menus- (my mom and I create fun and delicious and sometimes interesting meals each year). Instead I shopped, I wrote quotes, thank you notes and invoices. I forces, I pushed, I worried and got carried away.
Is that why at 8:45pm I find myself writing? These feelings, so strong, were no longer taking my abuse and tonight they said enough!!! So here I am and if you could see me you would realize a good heart to heart is worth its weight in gold. I'll be gone for a few days but when I return I have so much to share.
happy travels, Denise

the freedom to play

Today is Wednesday May 20- Day 292 of my thousand day journey



My father in law is visiting this week from Colorado. Have you ever noticed how many places surround your home you never see until company comes? I live in the most incredible place. The puget sound is only a mile from my home, a wetland trail only 3 miles, a national park about 3 miles. I can hop into my little prius and in less than 5 minutes I can be sitting on a dock watching the fisherman try to catch salmon. For a girl from Colorado that is incredible.

Part of my journey is to take creative, artistic or exploratory expiditions each week. This sounds more time consuming than it really is. For 1-2 hours per week I go do what my insides are craving. I go alone and I explore my senses, my creativity and what makes me smile. This is new to my 1000 journey I've gone on 4 expiditions so far. The idea came from Julia Cammeron's book " The Artists Way".

It surprises me how I fight to get 1 -2 hours a week just for myself to go play. On paper-no problem but in reality I balk. My to do list is more important. I feel guilty for this simple pleasure. Why can this be????? What if my husband is working during this time? What if I don't get the house cleaned, the quotes out, the calls to family made? When exactly did I loose the ablitiy to spondaniously go play, or plan a fun little date for myself??

On my first date I went clothes shopping- I was proud taking the time to go, but my passion has little to do with being in a store trying on clothes.

The second time, I spontaneously went to 1/2 price book store and then to Marleans Market for a treat- this was better but it was a internal fight to go.

On my third expedition, I stopped on my way home from a 2 day class. I landed at a little park on the sound. For 1.5 hours I wrote, I listened, I relaxed and I just looked around. It was blissful. When I had stopped I was exhausted, after 1.5 hours I was revived and relaxed.

Last week I went and just sat on a fishing dock. I listened to the water, the seagulls, I listened to a father and son chat as they fished. I relaxed. I just relaxed. Towards the end of 2 hours I walked along the beach. Even though I loved this expedition I was getting kind of uneasy after about 1.5 hours. Questions started popping into my head- should I get back? My to do list rose up and grabbled hold of my freedom.



Everyplace I've lived has been special. I am filled with creativity and wonder and yetI tend to stiffle both. I used to live each day asleep. It's not the life that needs to be perfect. It is my heart that needs to be open. And so I continue to open and learn to explore and love each day of this 1000 journey. Thank goodness I have 1000 days. It may take 2000!!!!

Travel on,

Denise

day 287 of 1000 journey

Today is day is 287 of my 1000 journey. A journey into what you ask? It started back in May of 2004, after waking up from a dream. That fateful morning, I wrote and wrote -a thought so clear and strong. All four of my grandparents were around 90's at the time. I realized if they could have just one of their average days back it would be the greatest gift. To have a day where you realized the value and joy each day holds. To feel free to move, to love and laugh. Just a normal everyday. The days I was taking for granted.
Tuesday nothing special- my years were starting to blend and blur. What did I do last week? What did I eat for dinner? When was the last time I felt truly alive? A life of presents and blessings and yet they blended day after day. At the end of each year I couldn't remember the year, it just flew by.
Once I realized the most prized possession of life was life itself, I was on a quest to learn to savor and relish this life. For 4 years I tried to find ways to slow life down and to be aware of each day but still life kept rushing by.
287 days ago I started a journey. A journey to savor, to enjoy this beautiful life. A journey to follow my bliss-my heart. What did that mean? I had no idea. I just knew it was right. Why 1000 days? You know at first, it was just going to be a normal little 30 day thing. Then I read in my kundalini yoga book it took 1000 days to master a new habit. At the same time my yoga instructor mentioned this was a good time of year to start a goal. And so it began, my little 30 day thought became a life changing 1000 day journey.
Today, I find myself blogging for the first time about this journey. It is bigger than just me, I can feel it's power and desire to tell the world. I get goose bumps as I write- I get a lot of goose bump moments these days.

What will I share on this blog?: honesty- my heart-my journey. I can't worry about punctuation or politically correct thoughts. You are just going to get my heart. Take it or leave it I will let that be your choice. If this journey of mine benefits you or inspires you to take up your own journey, you will not be disappointed. If this journey of mine has no meaning to you that's OK as well.
Thank you for joining me on day 287-May 15, 2009.
Denise

It's 8:55 pm on Friday night still the 287th day. I've been wanting to create a new batch of cookies for a couple of weeks, tonight was the night. When my grandma was in the nursing home we would talk about cooking. At 93 she would listen to Martha Stewart and try to remember the recipes she heard, she could no longer see. She would spend hours upon hours visualizing and creating in her head. I would tell her of some crazy recipe I had made, she would say "Denise you write those recipes down" I have been writing down my recipes but tonight I'm going to publish my first one. Normally these recipe's are just writen for Grandma.

Before I tell you the recipe there is something you must know. I don't follow many baking rules, my baking is not always tasty but almost always healthy. My baking is probably like someone else paints, I go with my instincts and curiosity radar. This creates some very healthy and sometimes edible cookies.

Tonight's recipe is called: Friday night curiosity cookies

1/2 cup softened butter

1/3 cup olive oil

1/2 cup trubinado sugar

2 eggs

1 big tsp vanilla

3/4 cup sorghum flour

1/4 cup fava bean flour

1/2 triticale flour

2 tsp energy baking powder- or tsp normal baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

2 cups oats

3 tablespoons black and white Chia seeds

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream your oils and sugar. Add eggs and vanilla cream some more. Combine flours and baking powder and salt. Add to sugar/butter mixture. Add oats and chia seeds. Mix. Drop by teaspoon onto baking sheet. Cook for around 12 minutes or until the tops are lightly brown.

Here is what I know at 9:10pm. I liked the taste of the dough, although it had a interesting sweetness. By the way I was using the Quaker Oats Vanishing Oatmeal Raisin cookie recipe as my base. It called for 1 1.5 cups sugar I cut it down to .5- where the sweetness came from I'm not sure. This is the first time I've tried Sorghum flour or Chia seeds so who knows. One batch is out of the oven- they didn't spread but I knew they would be different since the isn't much gluten in the recipe. Second batch just came out. I brought one from the first batch into the office with me to try. Before I could eat my cookie, my husband came in nibbling on my Friday night experiment. He thought they tasted kind of like a lemon scone, also wondering what was the small black spots in the cookie. There was no lemon in the recipe another go figure... I think they are yummy!!!! Yup it's a keeper recipe. Happy travels