Friday night, in the morning I'll get on a plane to AZ. Today was get ready day: do the office essentials, shop and try not over do. Is that possible, my father in law is visiting I feel torn between the present and preparing for the future. My emotions bounce around from relaxed to overwhelmed, from excited to sad, and from crazed preparer to that's it I give up I'll go write.
I'm heading to see my grandparents. My mom is flying in from Colorado bringing my Aunt. This is all fairly normal except a little detail- my aunt is 99, grandpa 95, grandma 94. Their birthdays are just around the corner. I am a relative of the most amazing people. The queen of savoring each day- my aunt; Mr wisdom and vision- my grandpa; a ball of fire in a small package- my grandma. The week will go so fast, I'm struggling to say goodbye before I even arrive. I've practice savoring and following my heart for nearly 300 days and still my emotions run the gamut. I love this trip- I love the cribbage, the talks between family members. Love is full.
Today is day 294 of 1000, this afternoon I was edgy and irritable, filled with guilt for not being more ahead in the office, and anxious about bringing a health product to help my grandparents. You would think I would be more in control and yet I feel so out of control tonight. Perhaps this is part of my growth, no longer burring my feelings when strong emotions surface- when I feel- I feel. For better or for worse I think my heart is more open and when the heart is involved, as it is with my grandparents I might as well just relax and listen.
As I write that last sentence I realize it is true. I have been soooo busy today. Running last minute errands and trying to pack in a few moments in the office. The day felt like a race and I hated it. I wanted to leisurely enjoy the last day with my father in law and husband before I left. I wanted to mull over recipes and ideas for our menus- (my mom and I create fun and delicious and sometimes interesting meals each year). Instead I shopped, I wrote quotes, thank you notes and invoices. I forces, I pushed, I worried and got carried away.
Is that why at 8:45pm I find myself writing? These feelings, so strong, were no longer taking my abuse and tonight they said enough!!! So here I am and if you could see me you would realize a good heart to heart is worth its weight in gold. I'll be gone for a few days but when I return I have so much to share.
happy travels, Denise
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