day 39
I haven't felt like this for a very long time. What happened ? My insides finally had enough of my pussing footing around. When I was growing up I hated housework, sucked at sewing and complained anytime I had to stay inside and couldn't go and build fence with the boys.
My favorite memories are of bucking bales of hay. Of course, they were heavy and it was tough - I loved every minute. It didn't happen very often. I was 5' 2", less than 100 lbs dripping wet. If there was a choice between me or anyone else I lost out. But every once in a while, there were no options and I was the choice or I should say I won by default.
Lately, I have become an indoor, quiet, sickly seeming girl- uggh!!! This is not me and my insides were so definitely yelling at me to come out of my own cocoon. I used to be strong and fast -a tom boy. I was turning into a wimp. Riding my stationary bike the other day my heart began to race with just a few peddles.
Once I got my heart a going my backbone started to kick in. Relax, smile, have fun, don't take like so seriously. Quiet time is good as is yoga centering but so is digging, kicking, jumping, laughing hysterically and just playing. Life is all about balance. Sometimes to find your balance you need a little blood to pump in your veins. Quite time is good but digging in is just as beneficial.
This 1000 journey is quiet a ride but today I feel like I just found my path after wondering around in the hills for a while. I learned some good stuff in them there hills but I'm glad to have remembered a bit about who I was before entering the hills.
Jump in puddles as you travel,
Denise
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
A message or indigestion?
Day 392
There is something you must know- I am not perfect. Everyone who knows me knows this and yet I still work on this idea-daily. On this journey, I find myself looking for "it" the answer to all. The bottom line is this- the answers I search for are not out there.
Years ago I was in a Barns and Nobles looking for a book. In my own head, I heard loud and clear "What you need you already have". It was as if someone other than me was in my head talking to me with a voice of extreme authority. I left that day without a new book but that statement has been ingrained in my brain. I don't always listen-actually I rarely listen to it but it is always present.
Over the past year another word has been chirping away in my head, "Listen". That's it, just listen There is a Blues song I listen to on my CD called Blues Around the World. One verse says " I can not tell you twice what I can't tell you once." It sound more like a lesson than a song.
This week I got another-message for lack of a better term. "Learn your heart and you will find your own voice." Whoever is speaking is very wise. Who tells me this stuff? Is it my heart, a higher power, indigestion? Don't know, but I'm pretty sure I am suppose to pay attention.
Who you are is perfect. True perfection is not being perfect but being true to you heart! Can a people pleasing, worrying, random girl from Colorado learn to trust her own heart? I guess we will see.
Travel on,
Denise
There is something you must know- I am not perfect. Everyone who knows me knows this and yet I still work on this idea-daily. On this journey, I find myself looking for "it" the answer to all. The bottom line is this- the answers I search for are not out there.
Years ago I was in a Barns and Nobles looking for a book. In my own head, I heard loud and clear "What you need you already have". It was as if someone other than me was in my head talking to me with a voice of extreme authority. I left that day without a new book but that statement has been ingrained in my brain. I don't always listen-actually I rarely listen to it but it is always present.
Over the past year another word has been chirping away in my head, "Listen". That's it, just listen There is a Blues song I listen to on my CD called Blues Around the World. One verse says " I can not tell you twice what I can't tell you once." It sound more like a lesson than a song.
This week I got another-message for lack of a better term. "Learn your heart and you will find your own voice." Whoever is speaking is very wise. Who tells me this stuff? Is it my heart, a higher power, indigestion? Don't know, but I'm pretty sure I am suppose to pay attention.
Who you are is perfect. True perfection is not being perfect but being true to you heart! Can a people pleasing, worrying, random girl from Colorado learn to trust her own heart? I guess we will see.
Travel on,
Denise
Monday, August 24, 2009
Greasy carpets smell
Day 389
Restaurant carpets all smell the same when they are being cleaned. It doesn't matter what type of restaurant, the accumulation of grease, dirt and odors all smell the same.
I don't like that smell. I do like cleaning carpets. I like how they are transformed. The colors change from dark black back to patterns, colors and contrast. The spots and stains disappear. It smells oh so much better.
Why am I telling you this? This morning I'm moving a little slower. We cleaned a restaurant last night and got home late. I was sitting here noticing an accumulating to do list building in my head. It was starting to smell of restaurant sludge: greasy, thick, smelly, dark and heavy. Out my window I hear a bird merrily chirping away.
Today and everyday is a new beginning. The singing bird with a brain much smaller than mine understands the beauty of mornings. My head is full of dark sludge while my little friend just sings. Today was one of those days I was wondering if my life was the life I should have.
Early mornings are a gift. A fresh new beginning. It is a shame to waste this time letting the sludge of to do's, should do's, or why haven't you done lists cloud my thoughts. Clean carpets are lighter, brighter and smell oh so much better than those filled with the sludge of cooking oils and dirt. Surly my brain is better off clean than sludged.
A little less sludge and a little more singing is a better way to start the day.
Happy travels,
Denise
Restaurant carpets all smell the same when they are being cleaned. It doesn't matter what type of restaurant, the accumulation of grease, dirt and odors all smell the same.
I don't like that smell. I do like cleaning carpets. I like how they are transformed. The colors change from dark black back to patterns, colors and contrast. The spots and stains disappear. It smells oh so much better.
Why am I telling you this? This morning I'm moving a little slower. We cleaned a restaurant last night and got home late. I was sitting here noticing an accumulating to do list building in my head. It was starting to smell of restaurant sludge: greasy, thick, smelly, dark and heavy. Out my window I hear a bird merrily chirping away.
Today and everyday is a new beginning. The singing bird with a brain much smaller than mine understands the beauty of mornings. My head is full of dark sludge while my little friend just sings. Today was one of those days I was wondering if my life was the life I should have.
Early mornings are a gift. A fresh new beginning. It is a shame to waste this time letting the sludge of to do's, should do's, or why haven't you done lists cloud my thoughts. Clean carpets are lighter, brighter and smell oh so much better than those filled with the sludge of cooking oils and dirt. Surly my brain is better off clean than sludged.
A little less sludge and a little more singing is a better way to start the day.
Happy travels,
Denise
Friday, August 21, 2009
August harvest
Day 386
The month of August usually finds me challenging my own life. I grew up with August being the month of the county fairs, getting ready for school and harvesting crops- even if it was just our garden crops. We did not have financial abundance, there was always an undercurrent of fear and desperation. Pulling funds together for the fairs and school must have added to the unrest of the month.
August felt rushed, we were behind in life. A summer of projects turned and faced you with such disgust-what did you do this summer? August says this summer is almost over, did you live up to your potential? Another summer spent with nothing to show but the stress of a fleeting season.
I've lived in the city for nearly 20 years this winter. As a young girl I vividly remember vowing I would never live in the city I would always live in the country: open space, fresh air, animals, plants, new kittens each spring-freedom. Who am I now? The question is thick. You were never going to live in the city! 20 years, you are not longer a country girl but a city girl. Your farming roots are wilting on the vine.
As I read my own writing my heart screams back I am country I am not city. And yet here I sit in my kitchen writing in the heart of a City with 80,000 people surrounding me. No, this is not even a city but a suburb of Tacoma-Seattle. Uggh!!!! A suburb, not even a glamorous city. I have lived 20 years in a suburb. Oh what shame!!!!!!
This I know, you can take the girl out of the country but you can not take the love of country out of the girl. This path-this journey I am on is a journey of my heart. My heart has come back with a vengeance to remind me who I am. This 1000 day journey has become thorny.
Travel on,
Denise
The month of August usually finds me challenging my own life. I grew up with August being the month of the county fairs, getting ready for school and harvesting crops- even if it was just our garden crops. We did not have financial abundance, there was always an undercurrent of fear and desperation. Pulling funds together for the fairs and school must have added to the unrest of the month.
August felt rushed, we were behind in life. A summer of projects turned and faced you with such disgust-what did you do this summer? August says this summer is almost over, did you live up to your potential? Another summer spent with nothing to show but the stress of a fleeting season.
I've lived in the city for nearly 20 years this winter. As a young girl I vividly remember vowing I would never live in the city I would always live in the country: open space, fresh air, animals, plants, new kittens each spring-freedom. Who am I now? The question is thick. You were never going to live in the city! 20 years, you are not longer a country girl but a city girl. Your farming roots are wilting on the vine.
As I read my own writing my heart screams back I am country I am not city. And yet here I sit in my kitchen writing in the heart of a City with 80,000 people surrounding me. No, this is not even a city but a suburb of Tacoma-Seattle. Uggh!!!! A suburb, not even a glamorous city. I have lived 20 years in a suburb. Oh what shame!!!!!!
This I know, you can take the girl out of the country but you can not take the love of country out of the girl. This path-this journey I am on is a journey of my heart. My heart has come back with a vengeance to remind me who I am. This 1000 day journey has become thorny.
Travel on,
Denise
Monday, August 10, 2009
Pulling weeds
Day 375
This past week I was troubled with a dizzying problem. I was dizzy. Today, I'm feeling a bit stronger, still a little wobbly but my desire to get back into the flow of things has definitely taken a turn for the better. My husband had me use his allergy spray, which seemed to help a great deal and I decided to go outside and putter in my yard.
While I was pulling weeds I was still wobbly but my focus was on something so specific it didn't seem to bother me as much. Just being outside, digging in the dirt and accomplishing something did me a world of good. While digging I came across my one of my yams in full bloom. Planted months ago, I had nearly given up on an actual yam crop, but there in all its trumpet like beauty was a little yam flower.
This morning for the first time in a quite some time I felt a little flow, a little energy and a little desire to have a good day. Whatever troubled my head seemed to have depressed my system as well. If you have ever been consumed with bleakness you will understand the anguish of depression.
I remembered a lesson I learned years ago when I was on my walking journey- move, go outside and move! Being outside moving was like light to my soul. When I was little my mom used to tell me to go outside and get the stink blown off. She was onto something. I don't know if it was the nasal spray or an afternoon pulling weeds, probably a combo, but what ever it was I felt like a new person after digging in the dirt for a bit.
This very problem is why I'm am so compelled to find joy. It is the opposite of despair. My theory is: If your are listening to your heart, following your own loves, your life will be one to savor and enjoy. Where there is light, darkness can't live.
This is easier said than done, I'm finding the very act of staring too closely at my own happiness makes it illusive. Learning to listen to my intuition, my gut, my heart is harder than it sounds. Still it is a path I will continue, although I may have to pull more weeds than I planned.
Tavel on,
Denise
Just so you know, I did go to the doctor early last week. However, the weeds and sunshine seemed to have helped 10x more than a trip to the doctor.
This past week I was troubled with a dizzying problem. I was dizzy. Today, I'm feeling a bit stronger, still a little wobbly but my desire to get back into the flow of things has definitely taken a turn for the better. My husband had me use his allergy spray, which seemed to help a great deal and I decided to go outside and putter in my yard.
While I was pulling weeds I was still wobbly but my focus was on something so specific it didn't seem to bother me as much. Just being outside, digging in the dirt and accomplishing something did me a world of good. While digging I came across my one of my yams in full bloom. Planted months ago, I had nearly given up on an actual yam crop, but there in all its trumpet like beauty was a little yam flower.
This morning for the first time in a quite some time I felt a little flow, a little energy and a little desire to have a good day. Whatever troubled my head seemed to have depressed my system as well. If you have ever been consumed with bleakness you will understand the anguish of depression.
I remembered a lesson I learned years ago when I was on my walking journey- move, go outside and move! Being outside moving was like light to my soul. When I was little my mom used to tell me to go outside and get the stink blown off. She was onto something. I don't know if it was the nasal spray or an afternoon pulling weeds, probably a combo, but what ever it was I felt like a new person after digging in the dirt for a bit.
This very problem is why I'm am so compelled to find joy. It is the opposite of despair. My theory is: If your are listening to your heart, following your own loves, your life will be one to savor and enjoy. Where there is light, darkness can't live.
This is easier said than done, I'm finding the very act of staring too closely at my own happiness makes it illusive. Learning to listen to my intuition, my gut, my heart is harder than it sounds. Still it is a path I will continue, although I may have to pull more weeds than I planned.
Tavel on,
Denise
Just so you know, I did go to the doctor early last week. However, the weeds and sunshine seemed to have helped 10x more than a trip to the doctor.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Sauted Peaches with Cayenne
Day 370This morning a cold piece of fruit was not
going to cut it. I needed something hardy, nurturing and delicious.
Opening my refrigerator, I saw the apples, oh yes-fried apples. Then the pears caught my eye- that's it -fried pears. The plums beckoned, until my eyes landed on the peaches. I knew it, it was peaches all along.
Growing up my dad used to saute peaches to top our homemade waffles. To cook the peaches he would use our cast iron skillet adding fresh peaches, lots of butter, sugar and and his spice of choice-cardamon. They were heavenly.
If one of use kids did something grand we could pick our breakfast. I would pick the waffles and peach sauce my older brother would pick egg souffle and peach sauce. The sauce made even made an egg souffle edible.
This morning I mixed it up a bit. Here is my recipe to:
TLC peaches
Ingredients
Pan- cast iron if you have it otherwise use stainless steel.
Peaches as many as you want- I used two
Olive oil
Honey
Cardamon
Cayenne pepper- just for a touch of heat
Directions:
Over medium heat, heat olive oil; add chopped peaches, honey, cardamon and a dash of cayenne pepper. I couldn't tell you how much I used of the spices, honey and oil. They were added by instinct. Go with your gut... or stomach!!
Saute until you are ready to eat. If you want crunchy peaches, just get them hot. But if you want, melt in your mouth peaches, wait until they start to caramelize.
Typically, this peach dish is a topping, today it was my breakfast. I started with 2 over easy eggs topped with chili powder. I finished with the peaches- all by themselves- I wanted to savor every bite!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Replant your foot
Day 369
Yesterday I woke up dizzy. Before I was even out of bed I was dizzy. I went to my Naturopath @ 5:15pm yesterday afternoon. Apparently I have pressure on my middle ear and it's causing dizziness.
I had so many things planned for this week, 5 appointments, a to do list that seemed vitaly important and multiple projects calling my name. Being dizzy and hanging low was not in the cards.
My aunt Velma is suppose to be having her 100th birthday party this Saturday. Today at 3:00 pm she will be going into surgery. Just a week ago she was loading a cement bag into her wheelbarrow to make a stepping stone for the county fair. Her plan was to make a stepping stone, go to the fair and have a fabulous 100 b-day party.
She and I have many things in common. Neither of us is going to be moving very fast today. We will not be doing what was on our lists, we won't spin, squat, dance, bend quickly, jump or skip. We wont travel to Spain, go deep sea fishing, climb the Rocky Mountains, plant in our garden or go for a walk at Cannon Beach.
There are a few things I can do today . Smile- yes that seems to require no balance; listen-depending on content; smell- as long as I don't bend but bring the aroma to my sniffer; I can type, I can read a little, I can visualize, I can talk, I might be able to take the dogs for a little walk, I can go outside. Make the most of this day- no matter the weather.
Today is still day number 369. That might be a very important day. My plans were rearranged. So what? It is what it is.
This morning, my mom talked to her dad , my grandpa. My very wise grandpa said "Sometimes when you put your foot down the ground is not there". In which case, I guess you look for an alternative place to put your foot.
Yesterday I woke up dizzy. Before I was even out of bed I was dizzy. I went to my Naturopath @ 5:15pm yesterday afternoon. Apparently I have pressure on my middle ear and it's causing dizziness.
I had so many things planned for this week, 5 appointments, a to do list that seemed vitaly important and multiple projects calling my name. Being dizzy and hanging low was not in the cards.
My aunt Velma is suppose to be having her 100th birthday party this Saturday. Today at 3:00 pm she will be going into surgery. Just a week ago she was loading a cement bag into her wheelbarrow to make a stepping stone for the county fair. Her plan was to make a stepping stone, go to the fair and have a fabulous 100 b-day party.
She and I have many things in common. Neither of us is going to be moving very fast today. We will not be doing what was on our lists, we won't spin, squat, dance, bend quickly, jump or skip. We wont travel to Spain, go deep sea fishing, climb the Rocky Mountains, plant in our garden or go for a walk at Cannon Beach.
There are a few things I can do today . Smile- yes that seems to require no balance; listen-depending on content; smell- as long as I don't bend but bring the aroma to my sniffer; I can type, I can read a little, I can visualize, I can talk, I might be able to take the dogs for a little walk, I can go outside. Make the most of this day- no matter the weather.
Today is still day number 369. That might be a very important day. My plans were rearranged. So what? It is what it is.
This morning, my mom talked to her dad , my grandpa. My very wise grandpa said "Sometimes when you put your foot down the ground is not there". In which case, I guess you look for an alternative place to put your foot.
Happy travels,
Denise
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