Another fresh beginning

Day 899

Did you think I forgot about you? I did kind of did. Not about my 1000 day journey but about writing to you. Today is January 19, 2011, funny, I just got done doing the dishes. This picture is the first one I took of 2011. Dishwater opened my new year. That is just funny. Who opens the new year with dishwater??? I guess I do. I told my sister in law I would send her the first picture that inspired me of the new year and this is what I came up with-classic.

It has been so long since I wrote to you I don't know where to begin. I'll just begin now. I love new years. I love the freshness, the excitement, the freedom, the hopes, the dreams, I can change the world and live my life from my very core this year!! It never ceases to amaze me the anticipation I feel and how many ideas flow into my head. I love new beginnings and new ideas. This is a fact. What I have a little trouble doing is finishing these grand schemes. And so in 2011 and on day 899 of 1000 day journey I begin again with head full of new ideas to live this year. In this beginning holds my theme for the new year: A thoughtful year. My theme is to live a thoughtful year from start, middle and end. That is a tall order!

A couple of weeks ago I saw a interview with Oprah interviewing J.K. Rowling. They were visiting about how it felt to have all the money you could ever want. That first epiphany when you realized you didn't have to choose you could by what ever you wanted, there was no need to choose or do without. I didn't envy the thought, it seemed sad. Where is the creativity in having it all? I kind of like creatively living. Finding ways to have fun, be creative, save money, go on road trips, explorations and discoveries with not much more than my passion, joy, creativity and curiosity.

What does that have to do with the new Thoughtful year? I'm not exactly sure, it just keeps popping into my mind and I felt like writing about it. Back to the thoughtful year. What does A thoughtful year mean? It means living within myself, It means to think before jumping, to reflect and create. It means to be grounded and centered. It means to be thoughtful, generous and mindful. It feels more beautiful and expansive than just mindful. It brings in what and who i love and opens my heart. It means to be intuitive not impulsive. It means being calm no matter what the weather or surrounding energy. It means being thoughtful with my time, my energy, my money, my thoughts, even my face muscles and digestive system. A thoughtful year is just taking a moment to pause and wonder and ask yourself the little questions.

Back to my dish soapy water. A few years ago we lost our electricity for 4 days. It was during a extreme cold spell. I was cold to the bone. Having hot water felt like a true luxury. When the lights came back on and our house started to warm up, I found myself doing the dishes. Never in my life was I so greatful to have my hands in hot bubbly water. Gratitude was as abundant as the bubbles. That year I had a goal to wash my dishes, write, teach, learn and to make $ 240,000 dollars. I did everything but make the $240,00. You could say my heart wasn't into making money as it was to being present, thankful and grateful. Washing my dishes was a reminder to pause and be grateful each night, not dreading the chore but embrasing it. Today, as a coincidence, my dishwasher is broken, I really haven' felt like fixing it. Everyday I do our dishes by hand. Hot water, bubbles and my thoughts. It is comforting and calming.

And so with the joys of dishwashing I wish you a good night- a thoughtful one.
Denise

Spring and planting

day 601

It is raining outside. Dallas is playing golf this afternoon. He is going to be soaked!!! This afternoon, I'm calling family, writing/blogging, sorting seeds and planning my garden.

For the first 580 days I wrote in my journal most everyday. Most days, it was more like making a list of what I wanted my life to look like more than just living my life. After my trip to AZ that visual of boxes and boxes of thoughts just kept nagging at me. I find myself wanting to get up in the morning and get going. I don't want my life to be boxes and boxes of unused thoughts.

My garden is taking on a new life. I'm experimenting with lasagna gardening, worm composting and a bigger garden. Local eating, organic, heirloom, running, writing, my master home environmentalist program plus soo much more.

Spring seems a time to do, not sit around an ponder or start the day too relaxed. It is an active time. Does this feeling of planting, soil and spring passion come from me or a combo of my genes and family history of farming?

I wonder, next winter, will I once again want to start the day quiet, reflective and slowly? Is this a.m. movement a seasonal thing or a shift in my life? Only time can tell, but right now in this season, it feels good.

Morning Vigor and a box of thoughts

Day 587,
March 4th-9th I spent in AZ with my grandparents, my great aunt and my mom. Lots of conversations centered around growing up on the farm: hard work, pride & joy in work and the contentment of a job well done.

My aunt and mom brought me a book from Aunt Velma's book club called " Winter Wheat" Throughout this book the love of work and the land found it's way onto most pages. During crop season, getting up early and working long hours were in contrast to the long winter nights inside waiting for spring.

My mom mentioned something about journaling while we were there that really caught my breath. She said something about having boxes of journals from every stage of her life. Most mornings she journals as I have been doing during this 1000 day journey and even before. Boxes of thoughts just sitting there........ I haven't journaled since then.

Yesterday, am I got up early and did my dusting, pick up and bathroom cleaning. I worked in the office, taking little breaks to snack, walk the dogs and pull weeds. By the end of the day, not only had I accomplished a great deal- the day seemed longer. In the evening I read a little while Dallas played pool with a friend, got dinner ready, ate and did the dishes and then watched a couple of shows with Dallas. Around 8:30 I did about 45 minutes of yoga with music playing in the background. Later Dallas and I looked through a book together.

What do these events have in common or meaning? It is the 14th day of March. Spring is everywhere. Normally, I start the day with yoga, journaling and meditation. It is a beautiful practice in the dead of winter but in spring I don't know. For the spring season I'm going to mix a few things up. Writing more with a purpose but during the daytime. Instead of journaling, writing only what has meaning and spread over a full week. And finally, to get up in the morning and do no more that 10-15 minutes of wake up exercises and then getting right into my day. I think the am yoga is too calming and I start too relaxed. In the spring, I should start with vigor- morning vigor. I'll switch up and do my yoga at night before bed when relaxing seems more fitting.

As the days flow in this journey, I frequently wonder, is this practice of following my heart my bliss actually doing anything or is it just another 1000 days in my life. I feel the need to change my habits.

Happy travels- spring travels,
Denise

Tsunami on Saturday

day 572
This morning, I had my day all planned. Early shower, walk the dogs in the sunshine, dust and vacuum the house. A little time for office work and then some inspired baking before my documentary party this evening. That is until I looked at the Internet and saw Chili had a 8.8 point earthquake. Sending out a Tsunami warning to Hawaii. My sister is down in the Cook Islands- Kiribati Islands. She is on little islands, on a little boat in the middle of now where with a Tsunami headed her way.
My heart dropped, my little special sister whom I love so much is in danger. Tears filled my eyes and dropped. I feel so far away and helpless. I called people I know to send out prayers and blessings to Tara. A friend of mine reminded me to stay calm. Panicking and stressing will not help.
A couple of hours later I got a response from her boat. Tara is currently out to sea. I guess this is the safest place to be. I don't know if the Tsunami has passed her. I do know she has been sick to her stomach and today is feeling better and ate some breakfast.
I guess on any given day an earthquake could hit. My sister is out traveling the world she is usually out traveling. This reminds me to make the most of my days and my relationships. Life is a living thing.

I'm not always grand

Day 556

My, but the days sure tick by. I just posted two blogs to my business and my residue free blogs. Before shutting off my computer and going to bed, I thought I would take a peek at my 1000 day blog. This is my first posting in 2010. I don't really have much to say except I just wanted to write something here this year.

What have I learned so far? Many things and nothing. I've learned to pause more often, that accomplishing something feels better than doing nothing and I've learned being mindful all day is a tall order. I've not learned to yodel, to use my scanner or what the name of a little bird that visits my yard.

As of today, Feb 10, 2010, I think I would like to be able to do 4 pull ups. My sister has worked her way up to 4, it would be a good sister connection. I would like to create a effectively awesome lasagna garden this summer, and I think I would like to write more often to this blog.

Were you expecting something more adventurous or grand? Me too, but I'm not always grand, sometimes I just am what I am.

Happy traveling,
Denise

Books vibrate a sort of magical energy

Day 517

The end of 2009 will be in about 6 hours and 45 minutes. Is there still time to get my to do list done for the year? Hardly-let it go.

Today, I puttered around with my books. I cleaned bookshelves, organized, rearranged and admired my books. My sister just started a blog - she wrote about books. As her move in ritual, no mater where she is living, she first sets up her books. A grounding practice I understand completely.

There is something about being surrounded by creativity and thought. So many voices, ideas, stories, lives, emotions, lessons, calculations, facts, jokes and quirky little oddities- books vibrate a sort of magical energy. As least for me and my sister.

It's funny, this 1000 day journey is centering around writing. Can there be writing without books. Natalie Goldberg says to be a good writer you must: listen, read and write. So simple. I love to write, I love to read and I'm learning to listen. The third is a bit more troublesome. My mind seems to be lost in the future or past most of the time. To be fully present, when I'm not immersed in a project, is a new experience for me.

The end of the year and here I am writing. It feels good. As I was sorting my books today, I came across an old journal of mine. The entry said. "Yesterday I didn't write, last night I was itchy when I tried to sleep. Today I'm going to write, maybe I wont be itchy tonight."

Next year- starting tomorrow, my blog will be in 2010. Will anyone read it? Maybe, I'll write even if no one does because it is part of my 1000 day journey] I love this journey. I gives me the green light love books, read and learn to listen. How can you not just love that???

Happy new year to all,

Denise

It wasn't out there, it was hear all along

Day 505,

It's been a while since I visited this site, not to worry I write everyday. Mostly I write in the morning sitting at the little coffee table my grandpa made. I sit in the early morning while the house is still. It's there I write most about this 1000 journey. Since my last posting I passed a major mile marker. Day 500- halfway there. This journey has become part of my daily routine and yet I wonder if I'm traveling far enough.

Most journeys are journeys because you travel, you go somewhere. I'm not going anywhere. This is a journey about learning to follow my heart and cherish everyday and everyone in that day. Can you go on a journey without leaving your home?

A while back I watched a documentary on Claude Monet called the Impressionists. Most of his life Claude Monet traveled to find his inspirations. He was always in search of "out there or over there". As if the mountain over the hill held the secret to his art. Later in his life he had an epiphany. Art was everywhere. What he most searched for was at home all along. And so he went home and started painting his own gardens.

I don't feel the need to travel over there to find my heart or learn to cherish the day. The art of this journey is learning to truly see what is right in front of me. Of course, my senses, my awareness are heightened when I travel away from home but can I learn to see the gift of everyday, when I don't go anywhere?

For the past 30 days I have been pondering this questions of how to travel deeper, further into this journey. I realized it is a gift to be on this journey, the last thing I want is to pop out on the other side still asleep in life. It is probably my greatest fear on this journey is that I don't really learn how to follow my heart of cherish the gift of each day.

Around day 500, give or take 5, I decided to try to learn 5 skills in hopes of traveling a little deeper, a little further.

1 learn to listen
2 learn to write
3 learn to enjoy
4 learn to believe
5 learn to do or not do but stop wobbling

Is this a tall order? Yes probably, but nothing ventured nothing gained. This journey is to learn to apply the lesson my grandparents gave me one fateful morning back in May 2004.

This morning during my quiet writing time, I added to another next level to this journey but that is for another conversation.

Happy travels,
Denise

It is hard to be still and wait

Day 472 of 1000 days,

Listening, this has been a constant in my journey. Listening brought me to this journey. Am I a great listener? No, not yet, it is hard to be still and wait.

We have a friend who is one of the best listeners I have ever met. When you talk with her you feel so important, like everything you say is a treasure. Is it because I become a genius in her presence? Could be, or it might be because she listens with such openness, affirmation, and with incredible patience. It never feels like she is waiting for her turn to speak, it feels like she is holding on to each word I say. What a gift.

Listening is a skill, it is one of our senses and it is undoubtedly a gift. My head is full. When my head is full there is no space to hear. I would love to give the gift of listening to my family, friends, the world and to myself. As I ponder on what my focus of this 44th year will be, I realized the best way to live from my heart is to be quiet enough to hear it.

Happy travels,
Denise

To reflect, not force hair down a slow drain

Day 470 of 1000 days,

Today is also the 54th day of autumn. As this year starts to close, I get closer to my 44th birthday. For me it is the time of year to look deep within and decide what will be my focus for the next year. The popular time for reflection and resolutions is January 1st but for me the time is on my birthday. I start one month before my birthday and carry it to 1 month beyond. I don't want to rush or feel rushed, I want to discover this next years path not force it like a big clump of hair down a slow drain.

In a month, I will also be a little over half way down my 1000 day journey. Exactly 30 days from today will by my halfway mark. Have I learned anything during the past 470 days? Sometimes I wonder and other times it seems like the whole world has shifted. I don't spend too much time pondering the changes for the very reason I wanted the journey to be long. There would be no pressure, if all the changes come on day 1000 or on day 1052 or even if they already shifted on day 32 I don't care I have faith this journey is life enhancing. This is a journey of meandering and discovery.

By now you would think the journey is crystal clear, on the contrary, it is a living practice. Each day I write, in my composting journal, what day I'm on just to keep me focused. I ponder and question all the time. As of this day I'm practicing learning to notice, to be aware, to cherish each day. I practice listening to my heart, my joys, my passions, my anger and my fears. Each emotion seems to come with a message from my heart. Most of the time I forget to listen or cherish, hence, the 1000 days to practice.

The fact I'm writing to you is a big leap for me. A hidden desire to write has been burning for years. Not to write the great novel, nor travel promoting my new book, but to just write what I see, what I feel, what comes to me. This blog and my blogs gives me the medium to explore life and to record what I discover. Maybe I would have been writing without the 1000 day journey.
Or maybe instead of writing I would have been creating a recipes or reading a book. It's hard to say when you chose a path if this path is better or worse than another path or no path at all. The answer to this questions is why I spend 30 days mulling over what the focus of my 44th year should be. A good sail requires a little bit of wind and little bit of luck- it also doesn't hurt to be stearing.

Happy travels,
Denise

Treating Yourself to Nothing Much

Day 451

   Yesterday, I took the whole day off. I did read about worms-the whole book, watched football, ate - basically did nothing. By evening my VOJ-voice of judgment, was starting to act up. A little guilt sneaking in, my to do list for this week making noise. Most of the day was heavenly, just me and my husband talking, laughing, snacking and watching our Dallas Cowboys win over the Falcons.

   It's funny how we don't value play or down time, especially as women we arn't always taught to just be. About the only time we feel justified in just being and treating ourselves to a fun day is when we are sick or stranded somewhere. My step mom spent most of Sunday stranded in the airport on her way home to visit her family. I think it was probably more of a gift than a frustration.

Do we have to get sick to take time to just be? If I'm going to just be I would much rather do it in health than stuck in a bed.  Learning to value our quiet time, to listen to our yearnings, to go play for no reason except it is fun, these are habits worth exploring.  On paper it sounds easy enough, in reality we are afraid to take time for nothing much. 

   Happy Travels,
        Denise

The Practice of Freedom

day 450,

How time continues to move. When I started this journey 450 days ago, I knew the days would keeping adding even if I paid no mind to my journey. It's funny instead of feeling like I need to do more, I feel as though I need to relax, let go and just be.

This is Sunday. My husband and I have no plans, I might roast some garlic, take the dogs for a walk, read about worms or just take a nap. Today is a day of freedom. The freedom to enjoy the day and let it unwind however it chooses.

Looking for a recipe, using cashews instead of cream for soup, I was on Oprah's home site. I stumbled on to an article about how women in the US are getting less happy as we age. We start out happy and somehow we become un-enchanted with our lives. Maybe it is because as women, we are not allowed to have days of pure freedom. Day's where there is no chores, no requirements, no internal guilt about just being.

How can we listen to our instincts, our intuition, our core being if we never stop and breath? If we are not true to our own heart how can we be happy?

On behalf of all women, I will practice the freedom of just enjoying this day. May this practice of freedom, bless all women everywhere!

Happy travels,
Denise