Day 472 of 1000 days,
Listening, this has been a constant in my journey. Listening brought me to this journey. Am I a great listener? No, not yet, it is hard to be still and wait.
We have a friend who is one of the best listeners I have ever met. When you talk with her you feel so important, like everything you say is a treasure. Is it because I become a genius in her presence? Could be, or it might be because she listens with such openness, affirmation, and with incredible patience. It never feels like she is waiting for her turn to speak, it feels like she is holding on to each word I say. What a gift.
Listening is a skill, it is one of our senses and it is undoubtedly a gift. My head is full. When my head is full there is no space to hear. I would love to give the gift of listening to my family, friends, the world and to myself. As I ponder on what my focus of this 44th year will be, I realized the best way to live from my heart is to be quiet enough to hear it.
Happy travels,
Denise
Monday, November 16, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
To reflect, not force hair down a slow drain
Day 470 of 1000 days,
Today is also the 54th day of autumn. As this year starts to close, I get closer to my 44th birthday. For me it is the time of year to look deep within and decide what will be my focus for the next year. The popular time for reflection and resolutions is January 1st but for me the time is on my birthday. I start one month before my birthday and carry it to 1 month beyond. I don't want to rush or feel rushed, I want to discover this next years path not force it like a big clump of hair down a slow drain.
In a month, I will also be a little over half way down my 1000 day journey. Exactly 30 days from today will by my halfway mark. Have I learned anything during the past 470 days? Sometimes I wonder and other times it seems like the whole world has shifted. I don't spend too much time pondering the changes for the very reason I wanted the journey to be long. There would be no pressure, if all the changes come on day 1000 or on day 1052 or even if they already shifted on day 32 I don't care I have faith this journey is life enhancing. This is a journey of meandering and discovery.
By now you would think the journey is crystal clear, on the contrary, it is a living practice. Each day I write, in my composting journal, what day I'm on just to keep me focused. I ponder and question all the time. As of this day I'm practicing learning to notice, to be aware, to cherish each day. I practice listening to my heart, my joys, my passions, my anger and my fears. Each emotion seems to come with a message from my heart. Most of the time I forget to listen or cherish, hence, the 1000 days to practice.
The fact I'm writing to you is a big leap for me. A hidden desire to write has been burning for years. Not to write the great novel, nor travel promoting my new book, but to just write what I see, what I feel, what comes to me. This blog and my blogs gives me the medium to explore life and to record what I discover. Maybe I would have been writing without the 1000 day journey.
Or maybe instead of writing I would have been creating a recipes or reading a book. It's hard to say when you chose a path if this path is better or worse than another path or no path at all. The answer to this questions is why I spend 30 days mulling over what the focus of my 44th year should be. A good sail requires a little bit of wind and little bit of luck- it also doesn't hurt to be stearing.
Happy travels,
Denise
Today is also the 54th day of autumn. As this year starts to close, I get closer to my 44th birthday. For me it is the time of year to look deep within and decide what will be my focus for the next year. The popular time for reflection and resolutions is January 1st but for me the time is on my birthday. I start one month before my birthday and carry it to 1 month beyond. I don't want to rush or feel rushed, I want to discover this next years path not force it like a big clump of hair down a slow drain.
In a month, I will also be a little over half way down my 1000 day journey. Exactly 30 days from today will by my halfway mark. Have I learned anything during the past 470 days? Sometimes I wonder and other times it seems like the whole world has shifted. I don't spend too much time pondering the changes for the very reason I wanted the journey to be long. There would be no pressure, if all the changes come on day 1000 or on day 1052 or even if they already shifted on day 32 I don't care I have faith this journey is life enhancing. This is a journey of meandering and discovery.
By now you would think the journey is crystal clear, on the contrary, it is a living practice. Each day I write, in my composting journal, what day I'm on just to keep me focused. I ponder and question all the time. As of this day I'm practicing learning to notice, to be aware, to cherish each day. I practice listening to my heart, my joys, my passions, my anger and my fears. Each emotion seems to come with a message from my heart. Most of the time I forget to listen or cherish, hence, the 1000 days to practice.
The fact I'm writing to you is a big leap for me. A hidden desire to write has been burning for years. Not to write the great novel, nor travel promoting my new book, but to just write what I see, what I feel, what comes to me. This blog and my blogs gives me the medium to explore life and to record what I discover. Maybe I would have been writing without the 1000 day journey.
Or maybe instead of writing I would have been creating a recipes or reading a book. It's hard to say when you chose a path if this path is better or worse than another path or no path at all. The answer to this questions is why I spend 30 days mulling over what the focus of my 44th year should be. A good sail requires a little bit of wind and little bit of luck- it also doesn't hurt to be stearing.
Happy travels,
Denise
Monday, October 26, 2009
Treating Yourself to Nothing Much
Day 451
Yesterday, I took the whole day off. I did read about worms-the whole book, watched football, ate - basically did nothing. By evening my VOJ-voice of judgment, was starting to act up. A little guilt sneaking in, my to do list for this week making noise. Most of the day was heavenly, just me and my husband talking, laughing, snacking and watching our Dallas Cowboys win over the Falcons.
It's funny how we don't value play or down time, especially as women we arn't always taught to just be. About the only time we feel justified in just being and treating ourselves to a fun day is when we are sick or stranded somewhere. My step mom spent most of Sunday stranded in the airport on her way home to visit her family. I think it was probably more of a gift than a frustration.
Do we have to get sick to take time to just be? If I'm going to just be I would much rather do it in health than stuck in a bed. Learning to value our quiet time, to listen to our yearnings, to go play for no reason except it is fun, these are habits worth exploring. On paper it sounds easy enough, in reality we are afraid to take time for nothing much.
Happy Travels,
Denise
Yesterday, I took the whole day off. I did read about worms-the whole book, watched football, ate - basically did nothing. By evening my VOJ-voice of judgment, was starting to act up. A little guilt sneaking in, my to do list for this week making noise. Most of the day was heavenly, just me and my husband talking, laughing, snacking and watching our Dallas Cowboys win over the Falcons.
It's funny how we don't value play or down time, especially as women we arn't always taught to just be. About the only time we feel justified in just being and treating ourselves to a fun day is when we are sick or stranded somewhere. My step mom spent most of Sunday stranded in the airport on her way home to visit her family. I think it was probably more of a gift than a frustration.
Do we have to get sick to take time to just be? If I'm going to just be I would much rather do it in health than stuck in a bed. Learning to value our quiet time, to listen to our yearnings, to go play for no reason except it is fun, these are habits worth exploring. On paper it sounds easy enough, in reality we are afraid to take time for nothing much.
Happy Travels,
Denise
Sunday, October 25, 2009
The Practice of Freedom
day 450,
How time continues to move. When I started this journey 450 days ago, I knew the days would keeping adding even if I paid no mind to my journey. It's funny instead of feeling like I need to do more, I feel as though I need to relax, let go and just be.
This is Sunday. My husband and I have no plans, I might roast some garlic, take the dogs for a walk, read about worms or just take a nap. Today is a day of freedom. The freedom to enjoy the day and let it unwind however it chooses.
Looking for a recipe, using cashews instead of cream for soup, I was on Oprah's home site. I stumbled on to an article about how women in the US are getting less happy as we age. We start out happy and somehow we become un-enchanted with our lives. Maybe it is because as women, we are not allowed to have days of pure freedom. Day's where there is no chores, no requirements, no internal guilt about just being.
How can we listen to our instincts, our intuition, our core being if we never stop and breath? If we are not true to our own heart how can we be happy?
On behalf of all women, I will practice the freedom of just enjoying this day. May this practice of freedom, bless all women everywhere!
Happy travels,
Denise
How time continues to move. When I started this journey 450 days ago, I knew the days would keeping adding even if I paid no mind to my journey. It's funny instead of feeling like I need to do more, I feel as though I need to relax, let go and just be.
This is Sunday. My husband and I have no plans, I might roast some garlic, take the dogs for a walk, read about worms or just take a nap. Today is a day of freedom. The freedom to enjoy the day and let it unwind however it chooses.
Looking for a recipe, using cashews instead of cream for soup, I was on Oprah's home site. I stumbled on to an article about how women in the US are getting less happy as we age. We start out happy and somehow we become un-enchanted with our lives. Maybe it is because as women, we are not allowed to have days of pure freedom. Day's where there is no chores, no requirements, no internal guilt about just being.
How can we listen to our instincts, our intuition, our core being if we never stop and breath? If we are not true to our own heart how can we be happy?
On behalf of all women, I will practice the freedom of just enjoying this day. May this practice of freedom, bless all women everywhere!
Happy travels,
Denise
Thursday, October 15, 2009
The practice of faith
DAY 441
The practice of each day. This is my practice. It is the practice of faith.
Gratitude:
Practicing to be aware and notice how I have been blessed and then taking the time to say thank you.
Mindfulness:
Practicing to be in the present moment. Connected to my senses and my essence.
Creativity:
Practicing and playing with the gift and the art of creating, visualizing and believing
Centering:
Practicing breathing, nurturing vibrant and healthy energy. Where no matter what the weather I have deep roots, a strong and flexible trunk and the presence to know I'm never alone but always protected and supported.
The practice of each day. This is my practice. It is the practice of faith.
Gratitude:
Practicing to be aware and notice how I have been blessed and then taking the time to say thank you.
Mindfulness:
Practicing to be in the present moment. Connected to my senses and my essence.
Creativity:
Practicing and playing with the gift and the art of creating, visualizing and believing
Centering:
Practicing breathing, nurturing vibrant and healthy energy. Where no matter what the weather I have deep roots, a strong and flexible trunk and the presence to know I'm never alone but always protected and supported.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
A practice worth persuing!
Day 439
Today is today, it is not a journey. It is one day. Putting together 1000 days makes a journey. My journey is not today, all I can do today is practice enjoying this day, practice being present, being grateful, being balanced. Practicing the gift of this day.
I had been getting caught up in this journey but in reality all I can do is be in the present moment and practice making the most of this 22nd day of autumn.
Yesterday, I was asked to write a 600 word article then teach a class in January. This invitation both excited and scared me. It ungrounded me. My heart started racing, I lost myself in the future. I was distracted and unfocused the remainder of the day. I even lost a thank you letter. I think I mailed it, was it addressed and if so then to whom?!!! Last evening my mind panicked and I realized how unfocused I was.
Exciting events, unsettling events, mundain events- stuff happens everyday. My practice is learning to stay centered, grounded and connected to the present. Hopefully, this practice will give me the awareness to notice when a present appears and be awake enough to open it!!
Focusing on what will be in 661 days is silly. Focusing on this moment, in this 439th day, on the 22nd day of autumn, is a practice worth persuing!
Happy travels,
Denise
Today is today, it is not a journey. It is one day. Putting together 1000 days makes a journey. My journey is not today, all I can do today is practice enjoying this day, practice being present, being grateful, being balanced. Practicing the gift of this day.
I had been getting caught up in this journey but in reality all I can do is be in the present moment and practice making the most of this 22nd day of autumn.
Yesterday, I was asked to write a 600 word article then teach a class in January. This invitation both excited and scared me. It ungrounded me. My heart started racing, I lost myself in the future. I was distracted and unfocused the remainder of the day. I even lost a thank you letter. I think I mailed it, was it addressed and if so then to whom?!!! Last evening my mind panicked and I realized how unfocused I was.
Exciting events, unsettling events, mundain events- stuff happens everyday. My practice is learning to stay centered, grounded and connected to the present. Hopefully, this practice will give me the awareness to notice when a present appears and be awake enough to open it!!
Focusing on what will be in 661 days is silly. Focusing on this moment, in this 439th day, on the 22nd day of autumn, is a practice worth persuing!
Happy travels,
Denise
Friday, October 9, 2009
I love a man that can smile in trouble
Day 435,
Today I mailed out accounts receivables notices, to past due accounts. In 19 years of being in business, this unheard of for our company. Somehow after all this time, sending out such a letter was an afterthought because it was so rare. This morning I sent out 3 letters plus had to hunt down a contractor that hired us. I didn't really like the way I felt and wondered how I would act if our finances were in trouble.
I thought of my grandpa's: Grandpa Alton and Grandpa Biddie. Both saw through 90 plus years of triumphs and tragedies. Grandpa Alton passed away last year. Grandpa Biddie is still going strong. This is one of his favorite poems he used to recite.
The harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph.
What we obtain too cheep, we esteem too lightly.
It is dearness only that gives everything its value.
I love a man that can smile in trouble,
That can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection.
Tis the business of little minds to shrink.
But he whose heart is firm and whose conscience approves his conduct
will pursue his principles unto death.
Thomas Pain
I hope we are never tested to our limits but I like the idea of smiling in trouble.
Today I mailed out accounts receivables notices, to past due accounts. In 19 years of being in business, this unheard of for our company. Somehow after all this time, sending out such a letter was an afterthought because it was so rare. This morning I sent out 3 letters plus had to hunt down a contractor that hired us. I didn't really like the way I felt and wondered how I would act if our finances were in trouble.
I thought of my grandpa's: Grandpa Alton and Grandpa Biddie. Both saw through 90 plus years of triumphs and tragedies. Grandpa Alton passed away last year. Grandpa Biddie is still going strong. This is one of his favorite poems he used to recite.
The harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph.
What we obtain too cheep, we esteem too lightly.
It is dearness only that gives everything its value.
I love a man that can smile in trouble,
That can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection.
Tis the business of little minds to shrink.
But he whose heart is firm and whose conscience approves his conduct
will pursue his principles unto death.
Thomas Pain
I hope we are never tested to our limits but I like the idea of smiling in trouble.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The great yam experiment
Day 432 of 1000,
The days tick by. Visiting family, driving, vertigo, pulling weeds, working, visitors stop by, football season starts, the leaves change, grocery shopping, paying bills, making a new dish - no matter what is going on- the days tick by. Today is day 432.
Above you will find a couple pictures of yams. Last spring I started a water experiment. Putting yams in glasses of water to see what would happen with different qualities of water- sprouts and roots pop out, plants emerge. I decide to plant these tender plants in my back rock garden. Over the summer I watched the vines grow, little purple trumpet like flowers popped out the end of August. All summer I wondered what was growing if anything below the surface. Sunday night I dug up my little experiment. The yams were little and skinny-deeper than expected. I must have harvested around 30 yams. We roasted baby yams for dinner with company. They were tender and full of flavor.
Perhaps my yam experiment parallels my 1000 day journey. I started with one experiment which lead to another and then another. During this journey I have no way of knowing what grows below the surface. At the harvest I could have a little crop of yams, maybe something else.
Happy travels,
Denise
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Do you go?
Day 405
It's Wednesday morning, my home is once again quiet. I find myself wondering room to room, picking up, arranging, re-grounding my home. It isn't my home needing grounding- it's me. Yesterday afternoon and evening, I found myself waiting for a family friend to undergo a double mastectomy. I wasn't asked to go, I'm not even sure I was welcome by all and yet there I was.
When my husband's mom was in her final days, a friend of the family befriended me. This beautiful, strong lady of 80 came and sat, she sat with her friend, my mom in law, and she sat with us. She baked goods for us, she stayed at mom's side when we were emotionally spent. She showed me how to organized a funeral. She sat with a back straight, years of pain as her support. I would have managed without her but not well.
Today I question why I went yesterday. It was probably odd as I'm not best friends of the family but I dearly love the lady who was having her life altered last night. If it was my husband waiting for me, I would want a female friend, not particular close but someone my husband could talk to- go. Breast cancer is not a lone event, it affects us all. We are all connected. Should to I have gone to the hospital? I don't know, but I went.
Travel on
It's Wednesday morning, my home is once again quiet. I find myself wondering room to room, picking up, arranging, re-grounding my home. It isn't my home needing grounding- it's me. Yesterday afternoon and evening, I found myself waiting for a family friend to undergo a double mastectomy. I wasn't asked to go, I'm not even sure I was welcome by all and yet there I was.
When my husband's mom was in her final days, a friend of the family befriended me. This beautiful, strong lady of 80 came and sat, she sat with her friend, my mom in law, and she sat with us. She baked goods for us, she stayed at mom's side when we were emotionally spent. She showed me how to organized a funeral. She sat with a back straight, years of pain as her support. I would have managed without her but not well.
Today I question why I went yesterday. It was probably odd as I'm not best friends of the family but I dearly love the lady who was having her life altered last night. If it was my husband waiting for me, I would want a female friend, not particular close but someone my husband could talk to- go. Breast cancer is not a lone event, it affects us all. We are all connected. Should to I have gone to the hospital? I don't know, but I went.
Travel on
Friday, August 28, 2009
Kicking and screaming
day 39
I haven't felt like this for a very long time. What happened ? My insides finally had enough of my pussing footing around. When I was growing up I hated housework, sucked at sewing and complained anytime I had to stay inside and couldn't go and build fence with the boys.
My favorite memories are of bucking bales of hay. Of course, they were heavy and it was tough - I loved every minute. It didn't happen very often. I was 5' 2", less than 100 lbs dripping wet. If there was a choice between me or anyone else I lost out. But every once in a while, there were no options and I was the choice or I should say I won by default.
Lately, I have become an indoor, quiet, sickly seeming girl- uggh!!! This is not me and my insides were so definitely yelling at me to come out of my own cocoon. I used to be strong and fast -a tom boy. I was turning into a wimp. Riding my stationary bike the other day my heart began to race with just a few peddles.
Once I got my heart a going my backbone started to kick in. Relax, smile, have fun, don't take like so seriously. Quiet time is good as is yoga centering but so is digging, kicking, jumping, laughing hysterically and just playing. Life is all about balance. Sometimes to find your balance you need a little blood to pump in your veins. Quite time is good but digging in is just as beneficial.
This 1000 journey is quiet a ride but today I feel like I just found my path after wondering around in the hills for a while. I learned some good stuff in them there hills but I'm glad to have remembered a bit about who I was before entering the hills.
Jump in puddles as you travel,
Denise
I haven't felt like this for a very long time. What happened ? My insides finally had enough of my pussing footing around. When I was growing up I hated housework, sucked at sewing and complained anytime I had to stay inside and couldn't go and build fence with the boys.
My favorite memories are of bucking bales of hay. Of course, they were heavy and it was tough - I loved every minute. It didn't happen very often. I was 5' 2", less than 100 lbs dripping wet. If there was a choice between me or anyone else I lost out. But every once in a while, there were no options and I was the choice or I should say I won by default.
Lately, I have become an indoor, quiet, sickly seeming girl- uggh!!! This is not me and my insides were so definitely yelling at me to come out of my own cocoon. I used to be strong and fast -a tom boy. I was turning into a wimp. Riding my stationary bike the other day my heart began to race with just a few peddles.
Once I got my heart a going my backbone started to kick in. Relax, smile, have fun, don't take like so seriously. Quiet time is good as is yoga centering but so is digging, kicking, jumping, laughing hysterically and just playing. Life is all about balance. Sometimes to find your balance you need a little blood to pump in your veins. Quite time is good but digging in is just as beneficial.
This 1000 journey is quiet a ride but today I feel like I just found my path after wondering around in the hills for a while. I learned some good stuff in them there hills but I'm glad to have remembered a bit about who I was before entering the hills.
Jump in puddles as you travel,
Denise
Thursday, August 27, 2009
A message or indigestion?
Day 392
There is something you must know- I am not perfect. Everyone who knows me knows this and yet I still work on this idea-daily. On this journey, I find myself looking for "it" the answer to all. The bottom line is this- the answers I search for are not out there.
Years ago I was in a Barns and Nobles looking for a book. In my own head, I heard loud and clear "What you need you already have". It was as if someone other than me was in my head talking to me with a voice of extreme authority. I left that day without a new book but that statement has been ingrained in my brain. I don't always listen-actually I rarely listen to it but it is always present.
Over the past year another word has been chirping away in my head, "Listen". That's it, just listen There is a Blues song I listen to on my CD called Blues Around the World. One verse says " I can not tell you twice what I can't tell you once." It sound more like a lesson than a song.
This week I got another-message for lack of a better term. "Learn your heart and you will find your own voice." Whoever is speaking is very wise. Who tells me this stuff? Is it my heart, a higher power, indigestion? Don't know, but I'm pretty sure I am suppose to pay attention.
Who you are is perfect. True perfection is not being perfect but being true to you heart! Can a people pleasing, worrying, random girl from Colorado learn to trust her own heart? I guess we will see.
Travel on,
Denise
There is something you must know- I am not perfect. Everyone who knows me knows this and yet I still work on this idea-daily. On this journey, I find myself looking for "it" the answer to all. The bottom line is this- the answers I search for are not out there.
Years ago I was in a Barns and Nobles looking for a book. In my own head, I heard loud and clear "What you need you already have". It was as if someone other than me was in my head talking to me with a voice of extreme authority. I left that day without a new book but that statement has been ingrained in my brain. I don't always listen-actually I rarely listen to it but it is always present.
Over the past year another word has been chirping away in my head, "Listen". That's it, just listen There is a Blues song I listen to on my CD called Blues Around the World. One verse says " I can not tell you twice what I can't tell you once." It sound more like a lesson than a song.
This week I got another-message for lack of a better term. "Learn your heart and you will find your own voice." Whoever is speaking is very wise. Who tells me this stuff? Is it my heart, a higher power, indigestion? Don't know, but I'm pretty sure I am suppose to pay attention.
Who you are is perfect. True perfection is not being perfect but being true to you heart! Can a people pleasing, worrying, random girl from Colorado learn to trust her own heart? I guess we will see.
Travel on,
Denise
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