Day 331 of 1000 day journey, June 28, 2009
After many many days of thinking about what my next daily practice should be I took a chill pill. How can I learn to follow my bliss if I'm stuck in a rut?????
If one day I don't feel like doing yoga but do feel like walking on the beach, is this wrong? I realized I was trying to recreate a journey I once took. It was a fabulous, life changing journey and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. This is a different journey. This is an intentional 1000 days where I learn my own heart, learn to trust, and learn to be awake and joyful in each day. It is about loving this life I was blessed with making the most of it. So at the end of my life I can look back and smile, knowing I followed my own path and I was true to my own heart. Along the way life became more beautiful for all.
There is a zillion ways to help this journey: Meditation, relaxed-creative-visualization, yoga, baking, playing, listening, going to bed early, not eating crazy crap that makes my head spin- stuff like that.
My instincts today may not be the same in a month. Trying to narrow down a specific practice to do everyday for a year is just not going to happen. As I so calmly explained to myself, this morning, during my heart to heart conversation. "Denise no matter what you do, you will not be the same after this 1000 journey". Your life will be forever changed for two reasons: 1) 1000 days will have passed and as time moves so do you. Even if you do nothing, your life will not be the same in 1000 days. 2) You have set an intent from an event that shook you to your core. You have been thinking that day for over 4 years. Do you really think you will be the same after an intentional 1000 days of learning your own heart, following your own bliss???!!!!!!!
Ok- so you see what I was up against this am. End of daily practice discussion-for now.
I have been thinking of doing more kundalini yoga and my evening visualization. Why, because I feel lighter and happier when I'm doing these two practices. Yesterday, I had one of my edgy, grumpy, frustrated moments. I don't get these very often anymore, but when they come, they suck!!! I feel so heavy and trapped. This is just simply not acceptable. This crazy feeling is not my bliss happy but my heart sceaming for me to do something different. I choose to listen to the quiet little gentle reminders from my heart vs the the slap upside the head with a brick like I got yesterday afternoon.
Both Kundalini yoga and my relaxed, joyful visulizaton help be hear those gentle notes before the bricks are even made. I've also already seen multiple signs my relaxed joyful visualization is powerfully working for me. With this in mind, even though this is not a practice written in stone, I think I will continue just to see what happens.
Happy travels,
Denise
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Listen
June 26, 2009 Day 329 of 1000 journey
This is the 6th day of summer. I'm returning from a whirlwind of traveling and family activities. As each day passes on this journey, I wonder if I'm doing enough to follow my heart and savor each day.
Today I was feeling behind, after so much travel and family time, I felt behind in business and to do lists. I started today wondering how I would ever get it all done. At the moment I find nothing is as important as writing to you.
This morning, I took a bit of time. I took a moment and I sat. I sat, I breathed, I relaxed, I smiled and I sat. It was sooo goood. I wrote. As I sat I knew I needed to add to my writing. Quite time- simple quiet. Today I needed quiet time. I needed to stop and listen. To be quiet and still.
How can I know my heart if I don't give it a chance to be heard? If my path is to find my bliss to follow my heart. I have to learn my own heart. What does it love? What does is ask for? You can't follow your heart if you don't listen. If my heart loves sunshine but if I stay inside all day will it continue to trust me? I must listen and learn my own heart.
To learn my heart, I need to listen and feel. I need to pause. My 7 essential little pauses.
To pause, to notice, to relax, to smile, to breathe, to listen and to trust.
For at least a year I've heard in my head and all around... "Listen. Everything you need you already have." Who says this? I guess I don't know but it is clearly there. As I come into balance I learn to listen and trust.
This I know today, is Friday the 26th of June. This is the most important moment of the day. Outside it is sunny and the 6th day of summer. Every ounce of my being wants to go outside. I going to do this and I will listen.
This is the 6th day of summer. I'm returning from a whirlwind of traveling and family activities. As each day passes on this journey, I wonder if I'm doing enough to follow my heart and savor each day.
Today I was feeling behind, after so much travel and family time, I felt behind in business and to do lists. I started today wondering how I would ever get it all done. At the moment I find nothing is as important as writing to you.
This morning, I took a bit of time. I took a moment and I sat. I sat, I breathed, I relaxed, I smiled and I sat. It was sooo goood. I wrote. As I sat I knew I needed to add to my writing. Quite time- simple quiet. Today I needed quiet time. I needed to stop and listen. To be quiet and still.
How can I know my heart if I don't give it a chance to be heard? If my path is to find my bliss to follow my heart. I have to learn my own heart. What does it love? What does is ask for? You can't follow your heart if you don't listen. If my heart loves sunshine but if I stay inside all day will it continue to trust me? I must listen and learn my own heart.
To learn my heart, I need to listen and feel. I need to pause. My 7 essential little pauses.
To pause, to notice, to relax, to smile, to breathe, to listen and to trust.
For at least a year I've heard in my head and all around... "Listen. Everything you need you already have." Who says this? I guess I don't know but it is clearly there. As I come into balance I learn to listen and trust.
This I know today, is Friday the 26th of June. This is the most important moment of the day. Outside it is sunny and the 6th day of summer. Every ounce of my being wants to go outside. I going to do this and I will listen.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
The last day of spring
Day 323 of 1000; June 21,09
The last day of spring.
My magic mountain basil looks like a bouquet- smelling of heaven.
My purple beans have bright purple shoots -ready to sprout flowers.
My Beats are starting to look like beats.
I finally decided an unknown plant I was growing was a weed.
The dogwood trees are in full bloom.
It has been very dry up here in the NW and my lawn is turning "golden".
The temperatures have cooled off into the 60's.
My little sister is getting married in 2 days.
My pansies are looking a little sun soaked.
I put a glass pot on the stove to boil water and promptley forgot.
The US open is on TV, rain soaked golfers hack their balls out of 2 ft grass.
One of my 3 blueberry plants has blueberries
The wild black berries are blooming.
I have no idea what's for dinner, but I'm sure I should cook something.
The dogs want to go for a walk- they don't care what day it is.
The sun is kind of shining.
I should do something special to celebrate the last day of spring... It has been a good spring. I loved this spring. The sun came out for almost a full month- no questions asked. I finally planted my blueberries, started blogging, and got my new computers. I have been happier this spring than I can ever remember. Our business has flourished even with the ecomomic reports. I let go of a few things, like handling our own investments. I've tried to relax, smile, breath, trust and let go. Somedays I do well, other days I forget.
I've had more moments of seridipity than ever in my life. It's either that or I've always had this much seridipity but didn't notice. I started wearing dresses and putting on sandels. I took lots of moments to just do nothing, even if it on my to do list.
I went to a birthday party, in the breese way of my grandparents house, a hummingbird nest over head. At the table was my aunt 99, my grandma 94, my grandpa 94, my mom and me. We sang, we laughed and we held hands. My mom and I went for a walk almost everday while we were in AZ. We sang as we walked, saw a coyote, a giraff bench, a crazy little neutotic dog and a swarm of bees.
My father in law came up and visited, we ate cookes, quinoa, and greens. We went to a car musium and ate mexican food in a parking lot. My sister returned from her year long Asian trip. She came home with a fiancee.
My dad gave me a bookcase/desk my grandpa made. It is made out of church benches we got from Nebraska when I was about 10. I smashed my toe with a rock from the lawn mower and got some seriously soar muscles from Kundalini yoga.
As I write this I realized I am celebrating this spring. I'm going to get on a pair of shorts, leash up my dogs and go for a last day of spring, walk. As I walk, I'm going to notice what the last day of spring looks like.
Happy travels, Denise
The last day of spring.
My magic mountain basil looks like a bouquet- smelling of heaven.
My purple beans have bright purple shoots -ready to sprout flowers.
My Beats are starting to look like beats.
I finally decided an unknown plant I was growing was a weed.
The dogwood trees are in full bloom.
It has been very dry up here in the NW and my lawn is turning "golden".
The temperatures have cooled off into the 60's.
My little sister is getting married in 2 days.
My pansies are looking a little sun soaked.
I put a glass pot on the stove to boil water and promptley forgot.
The US open is on TV, rain soaked golfers hack their balls out of 2 ft grass.
One of my 3 blueberry plants has blueberries
The wild black berries are blooming.
I have no idea what's for dinner, but I'm sure I should cook something.
The dogs want to go for a walk- they don't care what day it is.
The sun is kind of shining.
I should do something special to celebrate the last day of spring... It has been a good spring. I loved this spring. The sun came out for almost a full month- no questions asked. I finally planted my blueberries, started blogging, and got my new computers. I have been happier this spring than I can ever remember. Our business has flourished even with the ecomomic reports. I let go of a few things, like handling our own investments. I've tried to relax, smile, breath, trust and let go. Somedays I do well, other days I forget.
I've had more moments of seridipity than ever in my life. It's either that or I've always had this much seridipity but didn't notice. I started wearing dresses and putting on sandels. I took lots of moments to just do nothing, even if it on my to do list.
I went to a birthday party, in the breese way of my grandparents house, a hummingbird nest over head. At the table was my aunt 99, my grandma 94, my grandpa 94, my mom and me. We sang, we laughed and we held hands. My mom and I went for a walk almost everday while we were in AZ. We sang as we walked, saw a coyote, a giraff bench, a crazy little neutotic dog and a swarm of bees.
My father in law came up and visited, we ate cookes, quinoa, and greens. We went to a car musium and ate mexican food in a parking lot. My sister returned from her year long Asian trip. She came home with a fiancee.
My dad gave me a bookcase/desk my grandpa made. It is made out of church benches we got from Nebraska when I was about 10. I smashed my toe with a rock from the lawn mower and got some seriously soar muscles from Kundalini yoga.
As I write this I realized I am celebrating this spring. I'm going to get on a pair of shorts, leash up my dogs and go for a last day of spring, walk. As I walk, I'm going to notice what the last day of spring looks like.
Happy travels, Denise
Friday, June 19, 2009
The best part of Friday's
Day 322, June 19, 2009
It's 9:24pm on Friday night. My house is clean! My cleaning day used to be on Mondays. I hated Mondays. I don't mind cleaning so much as my Mondays always felt rushed. It was as if I started each week behind. There is always lots of details, paperwork, calls, finances and organizing needing done on Mondays. I would try to cram cleaning the house in somewhere.
For a long time I tried cleaning on Saturdays. On Saturdays, I didn't want to be in the house cleaning! It was as simple as that. When I was a kid on the farm, Saturdays were cleaning day. I had to stay inside and help my mom clean. My brothers got to go build fence or something fun. As an adult, that feeling of missing something still lingers. Saturdays are also a prime day to travel, to work, to do stuff. Saturday, me and cleaning don't go well. (I do realize my brothers probably weren't that crazy about Saturday's and building fence either-kind of a grass is always greener thing.)
Sundays are only in case of an emergency. I have absolutely no desire to clean on Sundays!
Here is how my week would go: I'll clean on Saturdays -Saturdays came and went. Sundays I just refused. Mondays would come and like I mentioned earlier, I was already behind and often it just wasn't going to happen. So even though I spent a lot of time thinking of cleaning, I did not clean as consistently as I like. The week revolved around trying to make room for cleaning.
Last week I discovered Fridays!!!! Big joyful sigh of relief. Not only do I not feel behind. I feel ahead. My weekend is free of the nagging- gotta clean thoughts. Our home feels good for the weekend and on Monday I can do what is most important.
Today, I was out of my home/office all day. When I got back to the office from work, I didn't have the energy to jump into cleaning. I took a couple of hours: I puttered, I read, I walked both dogs, I visited with family. At 7:23 pm I decided to clean. It took me two hours- 45 minutes of which was organizing and straighting up- to clean my house. Now at 9:36 pm my home clean and ready to begin the weekend. I feel very good about my Friday cleaning.
Happy travels,
Denise
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Sweet Mystery Garden Salad
Day 321, June 18, 09
Tonights dinner salad just picked from my garden.
Fresh from the garden gather:
Lettuce
Baby beet tops
Baby kohlrabi tops
New little edible pea pods
Herbs:
Thia basil
Lemon verbena
Stevia
From the freezer
Blueberries
Dressing
Balsamic vinegar
Olive oil
Clean, toss and enjoy
The herbs add sweetness and mystery. The peas a sweet crunch. The frozen blueberries add cooling depth.
Enjoy and happy travels,
Denise
Tonights dinner salad just picked from my garden.
Fresh from the garden gather:
Lettuce
Baby beet tops
Baby kohlrabi tops
New little edible pea pods
Herbs:
Thia basil
Lemon verbena
Stevia
From the freezer
Blueberries
Dressing
Balsamic vinegar
Olive oil
Clean, toss and enjoy
The herbs add sweetness and mystery. The peas a sweet crunch. The frozen blueberries add cooling depth.
Enjoy and happy travels,
Denise
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The power of food
Day 320, June 17, 2009
Whew!! It always amazes me how much better I feel when I eat foods that love me. The difference in my energy level and happy brain is like night and day.
Last night our dinner was bok choy,quinoa, edamame with braggs for seasoning.
For breakfast I made a egg scramble with carrots, cilantro, and mushrooms sauteed in olive oil.
AM snack dark chocolate, dried cranberries and pecans
For lunch mung beans, black rice with a bowl of frozen blueberries and black berries.
Do I always eat like this? No, but when I do I feel fabulous. When I eat lots of wheat, processed foods and dairy I get foggy brained, low energy and I can occasionally get a bit grumpy.
Of course, it is hard to imagine I could ever be grumpy- although, my nick name as a little girl was nasty. (This name was given to me by my older brothers. ) I always wondered why that name was connected to me until I got older and realized I do get grumpy when I eat certain foods. Apparently, I have been affected by food most of my life.
The good news as I learn to pay attention, I learn what foods give me good health and which ones take it away.
Is it just me??? I think we are all affected, to some degree, by the foods we eat, how much and how we eat them. What foods and how we are affected is purely personal.
As of this day the 320th of my journey I am still in awe of foods and their power. My journey into foods started long before this current journey and yet I still have to stay awake to the changes of my energy.
If you are interested if foods effect you, just pay attention to your energy directly after eating, in a couple hours, when you wake up the next morning and over the next few days. You may find some interesting discoveries.
Happy travels,
Denise
Whew!! It always amazes me how much better I feel when I eat foods that love me. The difference in my energy level and happy brain is like night and day.
Last night our dinner was bok choy,quinoa, edamame with braggs for seasoning.
For breakfast I made a egg scramble with carrots, cilantro, and mushrooms sauteed in olive oil.
AM snack dark chocolate, dried cranberries and pecans
For lunch mung beans, black rice with a bowl of frozen blueberries and black berries.
Do I always eat like this? No, but when I do I feel fabulous. When I eat lots of wheat, processed foods and dairy I get foggy brained, low energy and I can occasionally get a bit grumpy.
Of course, it is hard to imagine I could ever be grumpy- although, my nick name as a little girl was nasty. (This name was given to me by my older brothers. ) I always wondered why that name was connected to me until I got older and realized I do get grumpy when I eat certain foods. Apparently, I have been affected by food most of my life.
The good news as I learn to pay attention, I learn what foods give me good health and which ones take it away.
Is it just me??? I think we are all affected, to some degree, by the foods we eat, how much and how we eat them. What foods and how we are affected is purely personal.
As of this day the 320th of my journey I am still in awe of foods and their power. My journey into foods started long before this current journey and yet I still have to stay awake to the changes of my energy.
If you are interested if foods effect you, just pay attention to your energy directly after eating, in a couple hours, when you wake up the next morning and over the next few days. You may find some interesting discoveries.
Happy travels,
Denise
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
brain food and fresh peas
Day 319- June 16, 09
You know what stinks? Nylons; rocks on concrete when you have bare feet; foods that make your brain foggy!
I rarely wear nylons, the rocks, I try to avoid but those foods that make my brain go foggy are sneaky and irksome. While I am on this journey, being aware and present are critical. When my brain gets foggy my mind/emotions do not work as smoothly. How can I possibly listen to my instincts when I'm all brain mucky?
Learning to be aware of how I feel as I eat, what I'm craving, my mood and energy around the foods I eat is soooooooo important.
I haven't' decided on my daily practice... yet. You will be the first to know. This morning I did find fresh peas in my garden. The connection of these two items is kind of like knowing how to defend off a bear attack because you stayed at the Holiday Inn. It is a stretch but it's also spring so who cares.
Happy travels,
Denise
You know what stinks? Nylons; rocks on concrete when you have bare feet; foods that make your brain foggy!
I rarely wear nylons, the rocks, I try to avoid but those foods that make my brain go foggy are sneaky and irksome. While I am on this journey, being aware and present are critical. When my brain gets foggy my mind/emotions do not work as smoothly. How can I possibly listen to my instincts when I'm all brain mucky?
Learning to be aware of how I feel as I eat, what I'm craving, my mood and energy around the foods I eat is soooooooo important.
I haven't' decided on my daily practice... yet. You will be the first to know. This morning I did find fresh peas in my garden. The connection of these two items is kind of like knowing how to defend off a bear attack because you stayed at the Holiday Inn. It is a stretch but it's also spring so who cares.
Happy travels,
Denise
Monday, June 15, 2009
Choosing my new daily practice
June 15th, day 318 of 1000 days
It's 8:08pm. My brain is undecided if a daily blog is a practice I want to commit to. Until I do decide I figure I would blog- just in case.
This new daily practice decision I will live with for at least 100 days. It may be taken to a full year. On Day 333 I will be 1/3 of the way on my journey. Day 333 is my target decision date. What will my new daily practice be????
Blogging is one idea. A discipline of writing my journey down.
Letting my practice become real.
Daily creation. This is another idea I have been playing around with.
To spend at least 15 minutes a day joyfully visualizing and creating my life.
Singing. singing and letting my voice flow.
Deep relaxation. each night, and throughout the day to completely let go -
absolute relaxation. A Divine trust.
Smiling and happy practice. Taking time each day just to be happy.
Kind of like training my joy muscles.
As you can see, picking a new practice is difficult mostly because I have so many things I want to practice. In the end, it is not what I pick so much as the energy I bring to this daily practice.
The easy part, of this decision is I get to choose anything I want. The hard part is I get to choose anything I want.
The decision will need to be made on another day. I'm going to go do a little yoga and call it a day. My favorite part of this day was... putting on my pajamas just after I pulled them out of the clothes dryer.
Happy Travel, Denise
Sunday, June 14, 2009
15 minutes a day to transform your life- day 317
Day 317- June 14th @2:09pm
When you start a journey like my 1000 day journey, it starts to create its own life. A few years back I went on another such journey. One August day I was walking with my sister. At the time I had been walking or running for 17 days straight. On that day, as we walked a thought popped into my head-- I should do this everyday for 1 whole year. We continued our walk and I created the details of my new practice. It would have to be everyday- rain, shine, sick, busy, or snowing. I only had walk or run 15 minutes or 1 mile every day.
That journey went on for approximately 1000 plus days, then one day I simply decided that journey was over and I stopped. There was no party, no fan fair, I just stopped but from August of 2002 to 2005 I walked or ran everyday. Some day I'll give you more details. My log books are stashed away under the bed in our spare bedroom.
The journey of the 15 minutes transformed my life. It was so little, so easy I wasn't training for a marathon, nor creating the strength to do a 100 push ups. I was only walking or jogging everyday for 15 minutes for 365 days. Those 365 days began a journey transforming my health and life. The consistency and commitment of that journey created some kind of power and energy. It was funny, once everyone realized I had this commitment to myself to walk or run everyday, they helped. While I was on the journey I didn't realized it's impact but looking back I am amazed.
My current 1000 day journey is a little more abstract in its discipline. It is more of a philosophy and a practice of changing my habits and thoughts, than something as simple as 15 minutes of walking or running. As approach a full year of this 1000 day journey, I feel the need for something like my 15 minutes to ground me and set a commitment taking me to the next level.
I leave you as I continue to ponder this new practice commitment. A zillion ideas bounce around my head. Maybe I will just blog or write everyday about my journey. hummm...
Hope this day finds you enjoying life. I'm eating a bowl of frozen blueberries.
Happy travels, Denise
When you start a journey like my 1000 day journey, it starts to create its own life. A few years back I went on another such journey. One August day I was walking with my sister. At the time I had been walking or running for 17 days straight. On that day, as we walked a thought popped into my head-- I should do this everyday for 1 whole year. We continued our walk and I created the details of my new practice. It would have to be everyday- rain, shine, sick, busy, or snowing. I only had walk or run 15 minutes or 1 mile every day.
That journey went on for approximately 1000 plus days, then one day I simply decided that journey was over and I stopped. There was no party, no fan fair, I just stopped but from August of 2002 to 2005 I walked or ran everyday. Some day I'll give you more details. My log books are stashed away under the bed in our spare bedroom.
The journey of the 15 minutes transformed my life. It was so little, so easy I wasn't training for a marathon, nor creating the strength to do a 100 push ups. I was only walking or jogging everyday for 15 minutes for 365 days. Those 365 days began a journey transforming my health and life. The consistency and commitment of that journey created some kind of power and energy. It was funny, once everyone realized I had this commitment to myself to walk or run everyday, they helped. While I was on the journey I didn't realized it's impact but looking back I am amazed.
My current 1000 day journey is a little more abstract in its discipline. It is more of a philosophy and a practice of changing my habits and thoughts, than something as simple as 15 minutes of walking or running. As approach a full year of this 1000 day journey, I feel the need for something like my 15 minutes to ground me and set a commitment taking me to the next level.
I leave you as I continue to ponder this new practice commitment. A zillion ideas bounce around my head. Maybe I will just blog or write everyday about my journey. hummm...
Hope this day finds you enjoying life. I'm eating a bowl of frozen blueberries.
Happy travels, Denise
Friday, May 22, 2009
just listen..... on day 294
Friday night, in the morning I'll get on a plane to AZ. Today was get ready day: do the office essentials, shop and try not over do. Is that possible, my father in law is visiting I feel torn between the present and preparing for the future. My emotions bounce around from relaxed to overwhelmed, from excited to sad, and from crazed preparer to that's it I give up I'll go write.
I'm heading to see my grandparents. My mom is flying in from Colorado bringing my Aunt. This is all fairly normal except a little detail- my aunt is 99, grandpa 95, grandma 94. Their birthdays are just around the corner. I am a relative of the most amazing people. The queen of savoring each day- my aunt; Mr wisdom and vision- my grandpa; a ball of fire in a small package- my grandma. The week will go so fast, I'm struggling to say goodbye before I even arrive. I've practice savoring and following my heart for nearly 300 days and still my emotions run the gamut. I love this trip- I love the cribbage, the talks between family members. Love is full.
Today is day 294 of 1000, this afternoon I was edgy and irritable, filled with guilt for not being more ahead in the office, and anxious about bringing a health product to help my grandparents. You would think I would be more in control and yet I feel so out of control tonight. Perhaps this is part of my growth, no longer burring my feelings when strong emotions surface- when I feel- I feel. For better or for worse I think my heart is more open and when the heart is involved, as it is with my grandparents I might as well just relax and listen.
As I write that last sentence I realize it is true. I have been soooo busy today. Running last minute errands and trying to pack in a few moments in the office. The day felt like a race and I hated it. I wanted to leisurely enjoy the last day with my father in law and husband before I left. I wanted to mull over recipes and ideas for our menus- (my mom and I create fun and delicious and sometimes interesting meals each year). Instead I shopped, I wrote quotes, thank you notes and invoices. I forces, I pushed, I worried and got carried away.
Is that why at 8:45pm I find myself writing? These feelings, so strong, were no longer taking my abuse and tonight they said enough!!! So here I am and if you could see me you would realize a good heart to heart is worth its weight in gold. I'll be gone for a few days but when I return I have so much to share.
happy travels, Denise
I'm heading to see my grandparents. My mom is flying in from Colorado bringing my Aunt. This is all fairly normal except a little detail- my aunt is 99, grandpa 95, grandma 94. Their birthdays are just around the corner. I am a relative of the most amazing people. The queen of savoring each day- my aunt; Mr wisdom and vision- my grandpa; a ball of fire in a small package- my grandma. The week will go so fast, I'm struggling to say goodbye before I even arrive. I've practice savoring and following my heart for nearly 300 days and still my emotions run the gamut. I love this trip- I love the cribbage, the talks between family members. Love is full.
Today is day 294 of 1000, this afternoon I was edgy and irritable, filled with guilt for not being more ahead in the office, and anxious about bringing a health product to help my grandparents. You would think I would be more in control and yet I feel so out of control tonight. Perhaps this is part of my growth, no longer burring my feelings when strong emotions surface- when I feel- I feel. For better or for worse I think my heart is more open and when the heart is involved, as it is with my grandparents I might as well just relax and listen.
As I write that last sentence I realize it is true. I have been soooo busy today. Running last minute errands and trying to pack in a few moments in the office. The day felt like a race and I hated it. I wanted to leisurely enjoy the last day with my father in law and husband before I left. I wanted to mull over recipes and ideas for our menus- (my mom and I create fun and delicious and sometimes interesting meals each year). Instead I shopped, I wrote quotes, thank you notes and invoices. I forces, I pushed, I worried and got carried away.
Is that why at 8:45pm I find myself writing? These feelings, so strong, were no longer taking my abuse and tonight they said enough!!! So here I am and if you could see me you would realize a good heart to heart is worth its weight in gold. I'll be gone for a few days but when I return I have so much to share.
happy travels, Denise
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
the freedom to play
Today is Wednesday May 20- Day 292 of my thousand day journey
My father in law is visiting this week from Colorado. Have you ever noticed how many places surround your home you never see until company comes? I live in the most incredible place. The puget sound is only a mile from my home, a wetland trail only 3 miles, a national park about 3 miles. I can hop into my little prius and in less than 5 minutes I can be sitting on a dock watching the fisherman try to catch salmon. For a girl from Colorado that is incredible.
Part of my journey is to take creative, artistic or exploratory expiditions each week. This sounds more time consuming than it really is. For 1-2 hours per week I go do what my insides are craving. I go alone and I explore my senses, my creativity and what makes me smile. This is new to my 1000 journey I've gone on 4 expiditions so far. The idea came from Julia Cammeron's book " The Artists Way".
It surprises me how I fight to get 1 -2 hours a week just for myself to go play. On paper-no problem but in reality I balk. My to do list is more important. I feel guilty for this simple pleasure. Why can this be????? What if my husband is working during this time? What if I don't get the house cleaned, the quotes out, the calls to family made? When exactly did I loose the ablitiy to spondaniously go play, or plan a fun little date for myself??
On my first date I went clothes shopping- I was proud taking the time to go, but my passion has little to do with being in a store trying on clothes.
The second time, I spontaneously went to 1/2 price book store and then to Marleans Market for a treat- this was better but it was a internal fight to go.
On my third expedition, I stopped on my way home from a 2 day class. I landed at a little park on the sound. For 1.5 hours I wrote, I listened, I relaxed and I just looked around. It was blissful. When I had stopped I was exhausted, after 1.5 hours I was revived and relaxed.
Last week I went and just sat on a fishing dock. I listened to the water, the seagulls, I listened to a father and son chat as they fished. I relaxed. I just relaxed. Towards the end of 2 hours I walked along the beach. Even though I loved this expedition I was getting kind of uneasy after about 1.5 hours. Questions started popping into my head- should I get back? My to do list rose up and grabbled hold of my freedom.
Everyplace I've lived has been special. I am filled with creativity and wonder and yetI tend to stiffle both. I used to live each day asleep. It's not the life that needs to be perfect. It is my heart that needs to be open. And so I continue to open and learn to explore and love each day of this 1000 journey. Thank goodness I have 1000 days. It may take 2000!!!!
Travel on,
Denise
My father in law is visiting this week from Colorado. Have you ever noticed how many places surround your home you never see until company comes? I live in the most incredible place. The puget sound is only a mile from my home, a wetland trail only 3 miles, a national park about 3 miles. I can hop into my little prius and in less than 5 minutes I can be sitting on a dock watching the fisherman try to catch salmon. For a girl from Colorado that is incredible.
Part of my journey is to take creative, artistic or exploratory expiditions each week. This sounds more time consuming than it really is. For 1-2 hours per week I go do what my insides are craving. I go alone and I explore my senses, my creativity and what makes me smile. This is new to my 1000 journey I've gone on 4 expiditions so far. The idea came from Julia Cammeron's book " The Artists Way".
It surprises me how I fight to get 1 -2 hours a week just for myself to go play. On paper-no problem but in reality I balk. My to do list is more important. I feel guilty for this simple pleasure. Why can this be????? What if my husband is working during this time? What if I don't get the house cleaned, the quotes out, the calls to family made? When exactly did I loose the ablitiy to spondaniously go play, or plan a fun little date for myself??
On my first date I went clothes shopping- I was proud taking the time to go, but my passion has little to do with being in a store trying on clothes.
The second time, I spontaneously went to 1/2 price book store and then to Marleans Market for a treat- this was better but it was a internal fight to go.
On my third expedition, I stopped on my way home from a 2 day class. I landed at a little park on the sound. For 1.5 hours I wrote, I listened, I relaxed and I just looked around. It was blissful. When I had stopped I was exhausted, after 1.5 hours I was revived and relaxed.
Last week I went and just sat on a fishing dock. I listened to the water, the seagulls, I listened to a father and son chat as they fished. I relaxed. I just relaxed. Towards the end of 2 hours I walked along the beach. Even though I loved this expedition I was getting kind of uneasy after about 1.5 hours. Questions started popping into my head- should I get back? My to do list rose up and grabbled hold of my freedom.
Everyplace I've lived has been special. I am filled with creativity and wonder and yetI tend to stiffle both. I used to live each day asleep. It's not the life that needs to be perfect. It is my heart that needs to be open. And so I continue to open and learn to explore and love each day of this 1000 journey. Thank goodness I have 1000 days. It may take 2000!!!!
Travel on,
Denise
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)